another life story

2009-11-22T23:59:00.002+08:00

went to work today. was having headache but still , I went.

Watched 2012 yesterday, was a very long show.

Part of it was draggy but overall quite alright.

After movie met joan and hoe khim then went to dempsey to have ice cream.

Girls' favourite, Ice creams and chocolates.

Haas. :DD

Work was fine today.

Had sushi for dinner, after work sushi again.

Have been headache like recently.

It's like it's coming back, make me feel so miserable some times.

Headaches please, GO AWAY, I beg you. ):

2009-11-21T00:30:00.002+08:00

A month since I blog.

Many things happen , good and bad.

School work are going fine, home is fine too.

Maybe I just need a break from some thing else.

I know it will hurt in some way, but still I think I have to give myself a break.

I don't think i'm able to go on anymore after all these.

Yes, we had gone through thick and thin for 22months.

But it hurts everytime we quarrel and fight.

I really hate it, I don't like it.

All I wanted was a change, but I don't see any yet.

So I decided to give us a break, a time to cool down.

I'm sorry.

2009-10-03T00:35:00.003+08:00

went to school for portfolio review today.

after the review, hubby and I went to heeren to have lunch.

Had lunch at Waraku because I had carvings for sushi almost everyday.

After lunch, we went to lido for movie. "Surrogates"

Movie, shopping for present for my dearest dad.

Dinner and home sweet home.

Went home and talk to daddy.

Both mum and dad want to change their phone.

Me too ~

Hope I can.

Working tmr at suntec :DD

Miss hubby alot alot.

Hubby I love you.

2009-10-01T01:34:00.002+08:00

Went Top1 to sing with hubby on Tues.

It was so long since we last went for singing session.

After singing we went to chinatown to have dessert.

Hubby and I had conflicts but everything was fine at night when I'm home.

Today hubby accompanied me to work.

He was with his friends the whole day.

I can see from hubby's expression that he is really happy.

There were misunderstanding between he and his friends but everything is fine now.

:DDD

Hubby,

don't care about those idiots that talk behind your back,

and who are trying to sow discord you and your friends.

After all foxes will always show their tails after some time.

People get to see their true self and leave them.

Let them say till their mouth bleed and lost their voice.

That's the best cos when they need help, no one will help.

Because no one can hear. Because they can't talk anymore.

HAHAHAHA :DDDD

Okay, I feel so bad to say all these la.

But if that really happens, they deserve it.

Same to those who like to talk bad about others.

Listing out the facts are fine, but spouting nonsense that aren't true,

wait till you get your retribution, people will be laughing at you.

No one is perfect, you can't stop idiots from spouting nonsense.

They just feel insecure that's why they need to break up friends ,

in order to keep them to themselves.

This is call selfish, childish and insignificant idiots who should not exist in this world.

Selfish people will turn out lonely in the end.

Guess I should have an advance celebration for you guys to get your retribution.

*CLAPS*

Hubby,

I love you a lot a lot.

We've been quarreling but our love get stronger after each quarrel.

I want to see you badly after each good morning.

I miss you even more after each goodbye.

I wish to see you in my dreams after each good night.

I MISS YOU

2009-09-27T23:51:00.001+08:00

It's about don't know how many donkey weeks never blog already.

For the past few weeks, caught a few movies,

went for Chanel eye wear party with Joan and hubby.

Went cycling, manicure and pedicure, Sentosa and shopping ~!!

Nothing much to talk about actually.

Still the same routine just that, hubby is included in my daily routine.

HAAS~

Went Vivo with mum and dad on Saturday and had dinner at Tung Lok.

OMG~ That was my second time there.

I remember the first time was with my-used-to-be best friend and her current boyf.

Which was not her boyf at that time, like almost more than a year ago.

Photos will be the better speaker. :DD

Going for Chanel eye wear party at Paragon.

Jerline and me

At Shangri-la Hotel, The Line for company dinner.

Adeline.

Only manage to take photos with the two with my phone.

After movie but forget what show.

Cycling at ECP

After cycling and dinner.

I look through all the photos this is the only one which four of us took tgt.

Joan and my nail art (:

Totally love mine. I did it on my nails too.

Hubby too got buried :DD

Burying HoeKhim in the sand

Hubby and me

- it's me without makeup. HAAS

Sentosa

2009-09-07T23:44:00.001+08:00

I don't know what's the fucking problem with my parents.

If they are not happy with me then so be it.

Stop controlling my life, THIS IS MY LIFE not fucking yours.

So let me live my own life.

I'm FREAKING STRESS NOW

2009-09-01T11:03:00.003+08:00

Everything are like are packed up together.

I can't breathe, fucking stress.

I thought I can cope with it but seriously I can't.

I want to get out of this stupid stressful world.

I just don't feel like going to school ANYMORE ~

But I have to because of my parents.

They put in so much effort in me, no matter how tired they are,

they still work to provide me with whatever I want in the future.

I know, I understand, that's why I'm still hanging on.

Just because of them.

They love me and care of me , I too.

I don't want to be disappointed if I tell them I want to stop studying.

I don't think I can stand another moment of seeing their disappointed face.

It's been months when I see them in disappointment.

It hurts me badly , so I don't want that to happen.

NEVER ~!!!

I keep telling myself I have to hang on.

I've to do better, I've to get good grades.

But no matter how hard I tried it's like it isn't enough at all.

It's like it's never gonna be enough no matter how much effort I've put in.

There will always someone that can do better and really much more better.

Every time when I see that, I fucking feel like killing myself.

I hold back my tears every single time but this time I can't .

It's the last two blocks for Year2 sem1 but I still fucking hell stress.

I seriously never ever thought that I can't cope with the stress in school.

But the fact proves that, I can't. And really can't

I've never felt so stress in my whole life before not even for O' levels.

I just hate the feeling, I just wish to kill myself and end of everything.

I don't have to do work, don't have to submit assignments, don't have to present.

Don't have to see my parents and those who care for me in disappointment.

I don't have to care how others feel because I'm not around anymore.

I just want to run away, as far as I can.

From everything that I'm unable to cope, the stress, the work, the projects.

Even if I don't kill myself, all these are killing me already.

2009-08-20T23:39:00.017+08:00

Schooled .

Sewing and off to T3 for Popeyes.

Went with Joan, HoeKim and hubby.

Dinner, then TCC for dessert.

Had Oreo Mocha Frappe and Strawberry Romantasia.

My all time favourite (:

Slacked awhile and took Skytrain to T2 and trained home.

Going to register for license.

My uncle is gonna teach hubby, Joan and me.

Yays. It's like finally I'm going to register.

Zoo on Sat with Joan , HK and Hubby.

Haircut and manicure tomorrow, perhaps.

:DDD

Preorder will start TOMORROW~

2009-08-12T23:10:00.000+08:00

www.my-mondream.livejournal.com

2009-08-12T00:00:00.000+08:00

HAPPY 19th MONTH ANNIVERSARY HUBBY~

I't 12am already which means it's 12 Aug 09.

It's been 19 months since we first get together.

It may seems to be long but to me,

the time pass so fast when you are right beside me.

Sometimes, most of the time I should say,

I which that time will just stop at the moment we are together we no one by our side.

Just the two of us.

Because it's enough to have you and YOU ONLY~

I love you baby noel.

Now till forever, till death pull us apart .

MONDREAM PREVIEW UP~

2009-08-11T23:13:00.001+08:00

Visit www.my-mondream.livejournal.com

Support ok.

It's for my school project. Thanks(:

BUSY BUSY BUSY

2009-08-10T23:22:00.001+08:00

It's like two weeks since I last blog.

Was so busy with school work that I neglected my blog.

Had two weeks of FRM already and this is the third.

Everything was a little bit complicated in the beginning but now things are better.

Had sewing, buying fabrics and photo shoot for the past one week.

Sunday was my dear girl's birthday.

Met her at 6pm tgt with pris kan.

Went to uniqlo to meet hubby after his work and shi ai and timothy su.

Dinner right after it at soup spoon.

Then wisma to met geraleine and to atm.

Waited at the taxi stand for duno how long there's still no cab.

Like half an hour to 45mins later then have. DAMN LONG ~~~

Drinking at Hacienda, dempsey hill.

Hubby and I stayed with Joan and her friends till 12plus 1 then went off.

Hmm. Love it to go drinking with her.

but some people spoiled her mood.

"Don't care her ok. Think of me." :DDDD

Reached home around 2plus 3 then sleep.

Was really tired and still got to wake up early next morning for photoshoot.

The birthday girl ~

geraleine, pris kan, joan, shi ai

pris kan

Joan ~

Three of us

The birthday girl again.

My birthday kiss for her :DD

Had lunch with mum and dad and hubby.

Mum and dad brought us to have curry fish head which is damn nice.

I've been eating the curry fish head from that shop since I was young.

The taste is still as good as before.

After lunch dad and mum fetch both of us to cityhall.

Met shi ai and the rest there and off for photoshoot.

It ended around 4plus and hubby and I went Kbox .

It's like so long since I last sing.

Love it.

Most of the time I'm singing and hubby lying on my leg.

HAAS :DDDDD

After kbox was HOME SWEET HOME~

What's hubby doing behind ?

I'VE ENOUGH~!

2009-08-02T01:11:00.000+08:00

I'm fucking piss off now.

I've enough of everything.

Enough of your shoutings and pushing and scolding and beatings.

ENOUGH~

Just leave me alone or we can't even be friends.

2009-07-25T01:26:00.004+08:00

Went drinking on Thursday with Joan and hubby.

Suppose to have presentation the next day we still went drinking.

HAAS~

Had dinner with Joan at Raffles City

after hubby went to the airport to send his mum off to Japan.

Walk around and bought a top for hubby from TOPMAN.

Then went to Harry's at Chijmes to drink.

Hubby came to find us around 10plus going 11.

Drink and chit chat. Cabbed home at 12plus.

Presentation was screwed up today.

It was like OMG ~

Forget it. ):

After presentation, bus-ed down to town.

Joan went home first, hubby and I went Astons at the Cathay to wait for her.

Joan came and had lunch together.

She's going out with her deareast. :DDD

Then walked around PS and she went off, hubby and I went home.

So long since I go to his house.

Was sleeping all the way till 10plus and hubby fetch me home.

Finally, hubby found a job. SO happy.

I love you hubby.

No more quarreling ok.

LOVES LOVES

2009-07-22T01:33:00.013+08:00

School at 12pm today.

Had a short presentation which I think gave colin a heart attack.

Then lunched with Joan.

Went to the library to continue on the final assignment.

Was tired so I took a short nap and when I wake up,

hubby was there talking to Joan. I miss him la.

Was quarreling with him the previous night but when I see him,

all my angers are gone. I just love him so much.

While doing our work, Joan, hubby and I was like playing with the webcam all day.

HAAS~

Cabbed home at 11plus.

Talked to dad about my school work and work and other stuff.

Finally, dad and me can sit down and have a nice talk.

Usually, we ended up quarreling but this time we did not.

I was wondering how do I tell him about not coming home to sleep on Thursday.

Hope he allows because I miss my hubby's bedroom.

So long since I went there.

Months ago I think.

Miss Miss.

Photos time ~~!!

Baby, I'm lucky to have you

2009-07-20T02:44:00.002+08:00

Hubby, I'm lucky to have you.

You are always there to be my pillar, covering and letting me lean on when there's trouble.

Though sometimes there is some unhappiness,

I want you to know that I love you dearly.

The greatest mistakes in my life is knowing the existence of you guys.

2009-07-19T03:32:00.004+08:00

It's like everyone is pissing me off.

My homework, at home, even my lovely boyf.

He didn't do anything wrong, I'm just in a bad mood

and every things he said just piss me off and triggered my temper.

Poor hubby, have to tolerate my bad attitude.

Sorry hubby, I love you.

I'm giving you a surprise actually,

but is not a surprise now bcos you don't want me to keep things from you.

So I told you. I'm going to make Chocolate Truffles for you.

I hand made it you know. Hees.

Though I'm the one who loves eating chocolates,

I can sacrifice a little and give you the Truffles.

I love you dearest boy. Misses.

Why are they being unfair, or they are just over-proctective?

2009-07-17T04:58:00.000+08:00

Suppose to go register for BTT

but I slept at 4am in the morning and I can't seems to get out of bed.

Woke up at 1plus and started preparing.

Guess what, I took more than an hour to get my make up done.

Decided to put on fake lashes using my new bought glue DUO.

It's a wonderful glue that did not cause irritation to my eyes while I'm wearing lens.

Guess I'll start putting on lashes again (:

I love the way when it's long ~

Reach school at 3pm I think because I cabbed there then met Joan.

Went to the library to do our report, seriously, I did nothing.

So guilty. Sorry Joan. Can't get my focus.

Left school at 6plus and cabbed to ECP with hubby to meet Audrey and her boyf, Alvin.

Had Steamboat for dinner.

I had it last thursday and this thursday. LOL ~!

Both Audrey and I took alot of hotdogs.

Then we were like putting pepper on hotdogs and fish, seriously it tasted nicer.

Audrey and Alvin had small conflicts partly because of

hubby and I went after her when she walked away.

The best part is I don't even know which path to take to get to the underpass and to PP

and Audrey was like following me.

HAAS~ in the end hubby found us and brought us to the right route.

Bought Koi then started talking to Audrey both me and hubby.

Asking her to forgive Alvin and give him to him.

Finally they patch up when Alvin took cab down to find her.

Actually, I was deciding to go home when they patch back.

Turn out Alvin proposed to play billiard as they said during dinner.

So they went to play and Audrey was helping me with the

Brand Narrative then Strategy and slack.

We played the games on the comp at the place and we got first in every single game.

LOL~ After awhile we accompanied the guys with their billiard.

I tried once and the pink ball when in.

I was like OMG ~ so happy but not counted. SAD ):

Haas ~ Cabbed home after 2plus.

Maid opened the door for me.

Was wondering why mum and dad didn't call to rush me home then mum woke up.

She was like so piss off with me.

But I talked nicely to her then she say next time don't so late very dangerous

because I'm living near geylang are.

Moreover, the horoscope thingy say I cannot stay out late this year.

Dangerous for my horoscope. Hmmm~

Sorry mummy I know you're worried. But I just feel so unfair.

Why my cousin can go clubbing and stuff and when I asked mum just start

defending her saying she got attachment got friends it's okay to go cluing or drinking.

What about me ? I have my own friends too.

Why can't I just spend more time out? Sighs. BIAS ~

Hubby~ I miss you alot.

Thanks for being there whenever I needed you.

I've never regret being with you though I said that at times when bad things cropped up.

But you're still the best.

In the past, now and in future, you'll always be my best hubby.

My one and only.

It's 4.30am now and I'm still quite energetic.

Doubt I can get up tomorrow for class. OMG ~

How. Somebody please wake me up.

Photos

Audrey

Audrey, her boyf (Alvin)

Hubby

Three of them

Nights readers(:

Life is just a mirror, and what you see out there, you must first see inside of you.

2009-07-16T01:06:00.000+08:00

I simply cannot stand people with childish mindset yet older than me.

Simply turn me off - SPOIL MY MOOD ~!!!

Staring at my lappy blankly now.

I don't know where and how to start the report.

OH GOSH~

I'm so tired.

But Steamboat tmr . OMG

Cravings

Was with Joan the whole day today.

Went tm1 walk walk together and had dinner.

Hubby was there too.

Sorry hubby for all my little little attitudes today.

I love you baby ~

Not in the mood of doing anything.

Fucking piss off now. WTF.

Childishness look cute on some people, but on some,

it just make them look like a loser while they are calling someone else loser.

At least we are much more better than you guys.

You all can talk back behind one guy and them still acted as good friends.

WTF is this. It just makes you even more childish, and hypocrites added on.

Hypocrites people are off my list, because I don't treat them as humans.

Hypocrites are like wolves. So cunning, can be good yet cunning.

And last of all a LOSER.

2009-07-12T04:28:00.004+08:00

At Astons

Steamboat at ECP

Queen's Ave~

Audrey

Jerline

Trio

2009-07-10T01:50:00.001+08:00

Out of a sudden, I wanted to check on my horoscope.

Which I don't know why too ~

Aries.

Element: Fire

Group: Emotional

Favorable Color: Red

Opposite Sign: Libra (not true)

Lucky Gem: Diamond

Aries Profile.

As the first sign of the zodiac, the presence of an Aries almost always indicates the beginning of something energetic and boisterous. Not much holds this sign back. They're eager, dynamic, quick, and competitive. When it comes to getting the ball rolling, an Aries is the best. Pioneering everything from work-related projects to parties with friends, these folks go for the gusto.

Love.

This wildly flirtatious fire sign certainly takes the initiative when it comes to romance. They're quick to move when someone catches their eye. But to keep an Aries' attention, the person needs to be as energetic and as exciting as they are. This is a passionate sign that loves adventure. When a fire burns, it really burns! Whirlwind romances are common for the Aries personality. But once love sets in, it's generally for life. As long as there's plenty of spice and excitement to keep the blood pumping, the relationship will be strong and long-lasting.
*Agree totally*

Family and Friends.
"Activity" is the key word for this sign, and wow, can they ever go! The Aries is on the go constantly. When it comes to Aries' friends, the more variety, the better. It takes a range of different personalities to complete Aries' circle of friends. Quick and easy to get along with, an Aries native makes an incredible amount of connections in a lifetime. Long-term friends are something altogether different, though. Only those who are equally as energetic and able to keep up are apt to go the long run.

Independent and ambitious, Aries natives make their own way as early in their lives as possible. While staying in touch with family can leave much to be desired, these loved ones are always in the Arian's heart. A direct and forthright approach can be expected almost always, and when a sentiment is expressed, it's bound to be sincere.

Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live

2009-07-03T02:46:00.000+08:00

Had my fringe cut today at Jeric Salon.

Off to bedok to meet my parents to get my debit card done.

Finally, I got my own Debit Card. :DD

After that went for lunch with dad and mum .

Met hubby at NTUC there then took 16 to MS.

We were so tired that we slept in the bus till we forget our stop.

Walked all the way there then met Pris and her boyf.

Bought our tickets for "Ice Age 3" at 5pm.

The movie was hilarious. Super funny which made me laugh my lungs out.

HAAS :DDD

After movie, we walked around then went to Esplanade.

Had dinner at 7atenine.

Wonderful atmosphere and people wearing angels wing walking around.

Pris and I had Udon Caborana and Whiskey Coke.

Hubby ordered Wings and 2 cups of Vodka Lime juice.

I must say, I don't drink Vodka but I drank quite an amount of hubby's vodka.

Perhaps it's because of the lime juice.

Went walk walk and chit chat after dinner then HOME SWEET HOME ~

Took many photos too ~

I'm so tired.

Still got to wake up early for work tomorrow.

Then Steamboat after work. YAYS ~

Still have work to do. OMG ~

I guess i have to take a day off.

Or I really can't complete it.

Off to bed.

CIAO ~

Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint on it you can

2009-07-02T03:04:00.004+08:00

If you say you love me,

I don't want all words, but actions.

Prove to me baby, that you love me like what you say.

Love has no desire but to fulfill itself.

To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.

To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving.

Life is a maze in which we take the wrong turn before we have learnt to walk.

2009-06-28T02:42:00.001+08:00

Watched transformers with hubby on thursday becos I have off that day.

At first I thought there will be lesser people watching around 11plus ,

however, i was so wrong.

When we reached the Cathay, the queue was damn long.

Bought our tickets and rush to the theatre.

Alright, Transformers is a damn good movie.

If I can I would want to watch it again, and I'll never get bored.

After movie I went to dad's office to help my mum.

Then off to tampanies1 .

Was so piss with the starhub person , spoil my mood.

Had dinner then was shopping time.

Bought 4tops from Dorothy Perkins.

Wanted to my clothes from Topshop but mum not feeling well so never.

Bought the Dior mascara I wanted and the eyeliner .

Lastly was MASKS from face shop.

There's still so much I want to buy, a list of it.

HAAS ~ Gonna find time and ask mum to buy it for me.

HOME SWEET HOME .

Worked on Friday and Saturday.

Was happy for myself today.

Though I don't have commission as a part-timer,

I made $3000 over sales today in an hour.

DELIGHTED ~

HAPPY~

Haas~ Don't what to say to express how I feel.

I'm simple happy that's simple and short.

Working later on and guess next week too.

YAYS~

I love to work, kinda taking up most of my time when I work.

Pass time even faster everyday.

But less time with hubby.

I know hubby understands (:

Hubby,

I'm sad. SOBS ~

I don't want you to go army.

Seriously I really don't want you to go but I know you have to.

But why why why~

I don't want to be separated from hubby.

I want to see you everyday, want to hug you everyday, kiss you everyday.

I'm so dependent on you, how am I suppose to live life without you.

I need you in my everyday life.

You're just like the air surrounding me, without you,

I CAN'T BREATH ~

Hubby, I love you so much so much .

Life is just a mirror, and what you see out there, you must first see inside of you.

2009-06-25T02:49:00.000+08:00

It's 2pm now so I'm posting about what happened ytd.

Steamboat was cancelled.

Not disappointed actually, because hubby wasn't really happy about it,

neither were my parents.

So it was best that it's cancelled. Hmmm ~

Worked for tues and wed, lots of laughter and jokes.

Did not quarrel with hubby for two days, that's a good thing (:

Went for a movie on Monday which it really sucks.

It's not funny at all instead it was BORING.

"Land of the Lost" ~

When I started work today, there was only a bag sold which cost $700 over.

And that was the only bag all the way from 11am to 6plus in the evening.

Audrey and I was like , OMG ~ sales for the day will be like so little.

Fortunately Lady Luck came over to our side .

Manage to have $2000 over sales at the end of the day.

WHEYYS ~

Really enjoy working though it's tired,

still enjoyable with satisfaction when there's people buying.

Will be catching "Transformers" later on with hubby at cathay.

Recently , we had been watching movies there which I don't know why.

HAAS~

Then going to mum's office to help out.

Mum is so sick. Sighs *worried*~

Lucky I didn't stay out late for the steamboat.

And finally mum decided to bring me to starhub to get my maxonline recontract with wireless.

FINALLY with wireless.

And to change my lousy router to a faster and better one.

Wonder I can recontract my handphone line to get a new phone.

HAAS~ hope so .

Blackberry, here I come.

But seriously, I'm just being wishful ):

Because it's simply IMPOSSIBLE ~~!!!

I need clothes, lots and lots of new clothes.

Hope mum will be much more better tmr so that I can go shopping.

It's my last day of the hols because I'm working rest of the week till sch reopens.

I miss shopping. SO DAMN MUCH.

Hubby,

I really miss you alot now.

Want you so badly by my side now so that I can hug you to sleep.

I don't regret a single bit to be with you.

I was glad I chose to be with you.

Though I let you go once, and I let you go twice,

you still came back to me and stayed by me no matter what happens.

I know you love me, and I want you to know that I love you too.

And I love you so damn much.

Whether or not it's 2 years or 4 years or 10 years, I'll wait for you.

I know you're worried that I'll leave you when you're in NS.

But I won't.

Remember our promise , it has to be fulfill in 1012.

And our 77years contract.

I love you hubby ~

Photos ~

after work going home

outside cathay

had my nails done, though i don't really like it.

Life is an unbroken succession of false situations.

2009-06-22T00:50:00.001+08:00

Went to Don's to buy chocolate cheese cake this morning.
Then off to Grandma's house.
Watched Anime throughout after having my lunch.
Dad and mum fetch me to work after that.
As usual went to work till 10pm.
Audrey, ryan and I decided to have spicy steamboat on Wednesday after work.
Good thing I don't have to work on Friday.
Hubby came to fetch me and we went home together.

Sometimes I really dislike my Dad.
When I told him I'll be coming home late on Wednesday, he gave me that face.
And said "Can you tell them you not going"
What the fuck la. Ass ~
He is always lidat. OMG ~
Come on, I'm 18 not 13-14 years old kid.
I can take care of myself.
I can even get my drving license already.
I respect you that's why I inform you that I'm coming home late.
I'm not asking for your permission ~
Im not a kid anymore and I don't want to be protected species.
I got my freedom and you have no rights to take them away just because you're my dad.
I hate it when you treat me as if I'm like a prisoner.
I can earn my own money spend my own and take care of myself.
Pls stop treating me like a pet and overly protecting me .
It just makes me want to distance from you more and more.
Stop deciding how I should live my life.
Because this is MY life not yours ~!
ARGHHH ~~!!!

I saw this bag that the boss bring back in to the shop.
Seriously, I fell in love with it at first sight.
Anyone, Credit card pls ~

Going to have my nails done later on at 12pm.
Then off to The cathay for movie "The land of the lost"
Audrey said it was funny.
Then to FEP to check out the price of the blazer for her.
Making full use of my off day yea.
Haas ~
Missing hubby now.
Do you know I hate it everytime we parted and say goodbye.
But every night when we said good night it was the best.
Because I know when I close my eyes, I will see you in my dreams.
And when I open my eyes, I'll see you in an hour's time.
Hubby, you're the best gift god has ever given me besides my family.
I love you.
Ciao

We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give.

2009-06-20T01:10:00.000+08:00

Haven't been blogging recently.

Worked almost everyday ever since the holidays started.

On the last day of school was Presentation for the final AMP assignment.

Carol said that our report and presentation were good.

Was really happy at least we know our effort didn't went down the drain.

After presentation went lunch with Pris.

Then off to TM1 to get my pay and met our BoyFs and went to The Cathay.

Bought tickets for Drag me to hell and they guys went for their lunch.

Seriously, the movie isn't scary but funny.

HAAS ~

After movie, accompanied pris and her boyf while they were waiting for bus home.

Pris was going back Hong Kong the next day.

Hubby and I walked all the way to esplanade after which.

That day was our 17 Months Anniversary.

Was walking around and slacking.

Had dinner at Thai Express then HOME SWEET HOME.

Started working on Monday.

Had only one day off on tues and the rest of the days, WORK ~!!

Went to meet my cousin on tuesday with hubby and he treated us lunch. at OUTBACK.

The grill salmon was really nice but the price is DAMN EX ~

After lunch, hubby and I went to Suntec to watch Ghosts Of Girlfriends' Past.

I love the MOVIE ~

Nothing much happen the whole week but only WORK WORK WORK ~

And lots of quarrelling with hubby.

Things aren't going fine nowadays.

I don't know what's happening, and I don't why things become like this.

I don't feel the love anymore, all I feel is your possessiveness.

Nothing more than that.

Tell me, I'm your girlfriend or just someone you need when you're alone?

I know you asked me before am I getting tired and sick of this r/s.

I said no. Yes , I'm not tired neither am I sick of it.

I'm just tired and sick of your actions and excuses you always give.

I don't know how much longer I can take it.

All I know is I love you and I don't want to lose you.

I know I'm always being the unreasonable one.

But I have my own temper and attitude.

This is me.

I tried to change alot for you.

Not much I guess, but at least I stop spending lots and lots of money.

I even stop myself from buying things that I like bcos I want to save money.

I want to show you that I can save money too.

But you never change, not a bit.

You always break your promises, shouting at me or hitting or strangling me in public.

You ALWAYS BROKE your promises.

ALWAYS ~

I really don't know what to do.

But I don't want to lose you my dear boy, I love you too much and too deeply.

Photos next.

Got to wake up early later on.

It's Fathers' Day

HAPPY FATHERS' DAY ~

and I still got to work ):

TIRING

Ciao ~

Da ge ge and me

Pris and me

At marc by marc jacobs

2009-06-07T02:03:00.000+08:00

Met wenhui and priscilla today for the group project.
We were like hesitating whether to go into the shop "Marc by Marc Jacobs".
Was afraid and shy la ~
In the end we still went in.
Then to Taka same shop too.
Pris and I stayed in the fitting room for a very long time.
Lucky the sales person did not say anything :DD
After that we went separate ways.

Hubby and I went to Sasa in Wisma to look for perfumes.
Then to FEP ~
Had snacks at mogu mogu and slack there for awhile.
Next was window shopping time.
Saw this ring with a rose on it , LOVE IT SO MUCH.
Wanted to buy but didn't bring enough money out today.
I'll buy it on Monday, DEFINITELY. (provided it's not sold out) ~
Then I'll have my eyelashes permed too ~
YAYS~
Can't wait till monday.
And I want to bling my LG phone too.
I've made up my mind that I'll change my phone to blackberry at the end of the year.
Got to save up too.
Told hubby we'll start saving till the next GSS and buy ourselves branded stuff we want.
We'll do it ok MY DEAR BOY .

Home sweet home after all the window shopping.

Hubby ~
I know we've been quarreling more often recently.
But I want you to know that,
others may have feelings faded after each and every quarrel.
However, it never occur to me.
Because after each quarrel it made me love your more.
After each quarrel I know how much more you loved me.
After each quarrel I get to understand you more.
After each quarrel I tell myself, I'm willing to change just for you.
Though I haven't really change alot.
Hubby, I love you alot alot.
I hate it when I've to decide whether to buy this or whether not to.
it's so not me because I don't used to think so much.
Want I just buy.
But now, for your sake, I'm willing to think whether is the thing worth playing.
For you only my dear boy.
Ever since you told me you got the letter for your medical checkup,
Questions kept appearing in my mind.
How am I suppose to go on everyday without you.
How can I go on with my daily life without you.
But no matter what, I'll wait.
Wait for you , and stay by you.
I love you baby.
Mwahs ~

LIFE IS JUST ONE DAMN THING AFTER ANOTHER

2009-06-05T20:48:00.001+08:00

29 May 2009, Friday

o

Met hubby in the morning.
Went to Suntec to watch "Terminator Salvation" at 10am.
After the movie, we wanted to bus-ed down to school because there was group meeting for APEL.
Then blur blur hubby make me walk all the way to the bus stop when there's no 518.
Was so angry with him because I was wearing heels.
In the end, we decided to take cab to school.
When we reached school, they said the meeting was cancel.
I was like O-M-G ~
There goes the cab fare.

30 May 2009, Saturday

Shahnaz and me

Raspberry Panna Cotta

Strawberry Shortcake

Had APEL in the morning and the school provided food for us.
After APEL, hubby and I went to town.
Bus-ed down at FEP to have curry chicken with rice for lunch.
Went walking around at town.
Window shopping and food.
Had tea break at Bakerzin and then home sweet home.

Tuesday
Went for Factory visit at Gimmil.
After the visit bus-ed down to bugis then walked to Suntec.
Had my eyebrows trimmed at browhaus.
It was so D-A-M-N pain ~!!!!
Was supposed to have interview for PC promoter but canceled it.
We decided to go to PS for a movie instead.
Watch "Monsters VS Aliens" .
Then Home sweet home.

Wednesday
Stayed home the whole day and left house at around 2plus.
Have work at 3pm so hubby accompanied me there.
Work till 10pm and went home.

Today 5 June 09
Met hubby in the morning.
Saw this old lady suddenly fell down I was so shocked.
Bus-ed down to school and went for lesson.
Left school at around 10plus.
Walked all the way to bus stop to take 65 to The cathay.
Bought movie tickets for "Blood the last vampire".
Before movie went to Auston Speciality for lunch.
I ordered chargrill Salmon Fillet and hubby ordered chargrill Chicken chop.
Both are nice (:
While watching "blood" there's small childish kids in the threater.
It was like O-M-G ~
The parts that they were laughing about was not funny at all,
yet they still laugh so loudly as if the whole threater have only them.
Insignificant childish KIDS ~
After movie, was Home sweet home.

Chargrill Chicken Chop

Chargrill Salmon Fillet

Listen to my heart can you hear it sing
Come back to me and forgive everything
Seasons may change, winter just gone
I love you, till the end of time
Come what may, I will love you
I will love you, until my time is up
I will love you until till the end of time.
Our love that will live forever.

2009-05-23T23:13:00.000+08:00

I'm have this strong strong feeling that,
THIS WILL BE A LONG POST ~
HAAS ~
Anyway, I'll be starting work tmr at a retail shop "finally" (:

I'll start from 22 May 09 which was ytd.
There was no school but I woke up at 8plus.
Know why ? Because I slept at 10pm the previous night,
which in total, I slept for 10hours or even more.
Have only one module for the month, so I'm kinda SLACKKKK ~~!!
Met hubby at 11plus and bus-ed down to Raffles City to have lunch.
Had TeppanYaki, trust me, everyone, you've got to try it.
After lunch, bought the heels I wanted from Charles and Keith for $49.90.
Off to Suntec arcade for a few rounds of games.
It was still early so hubby and I decided to go to the Esplanade.
Had been going there frequently when we've got the time.
I really like the atmosphere there, be it morning, afternoon or night.
I totally LOVE IT ~
Slack there for like an hour or so and went walking around and talking photos.
We walked all the way to Central and took bus home.
Told hubby that I want to go drinking with him at Timbre next time ~
HEES :DDDD

Today, had apel 2 in the morning.
It was quite a , hmmm , lesson .
"What goes around comes around"
I'll remember this. For life ~
So whoever it is, if you feel gulity reading this/even if you don't ,
you know who you are.
Be careful when fire is burning at your ass ~
Did I use it correctly ? Whatever , I don't care .
After class when for my manicure and pedicure then off to PP to get Koi ~
The heels was KILLING ME .
Had my Koi then bus-ed down to Suntec.
Arcade then meet my parents.
Hubby greeted them and went off.
Had dinner with my parents then went SHOPPING ~
Which I loved the best.
I always give my mum surprises with the prices of the clothes I want.
HAAS ~
Bought three basic tops from Dorothy Perkins ,
1 top and 1 skirt from Topshop.
Hubby say he don't like the skirt.
Acty it isn't my style, I just like it high-waisted and the floral prints.
Doubt that I will wear it actually, hmm, there goes $63 .......
Mum was so afraid that she hurried home so as to stop me from spending all of her money.
HAAS ~
Home sweet home after all the spendings ~.

Hubby,
I really want you to be happy.
I like seeing you smile.
But every time when I tell you what my parents bought for me,
you don't seem to be happy instead you're unhappy in my point of view.
I don't like it when you're like that, you should know what I mean.
Sometimes I can feel that we are drifting apart.
I don't like this feeling, AT ALL ~
Last time, no matter how bad our fight/quarrels get, I know we'll never be apart.
But now, each time we quarrel, I feel even more afraid of you leaving me.
Sighs.
Baby, remember you always ask me how much I love you?
And I always answer you this -
"I love you more than I love myself, but not more than you love me".
To be honest, I love you more than anything, even more than how much you love me.
I just, just don't know how to prove and show you and let you feel it.
You say you trust me, but I don't feel so.
Because your words contradicts with your actions.
You always say you're afraid of me leaving you or running away with some other guys
when you're in NS .
But I won't. I tried so hard to assure you that I won't .
I'm telling of saying the same thing over and over again.
I'm really tired of it.
All I want is your trust, is that so difficult.
Sighs ~
Baby boy, tell me, what to do to make you trust me more ~
.......

Photos ~

2009-05-21T20:21:00.003+08:00

Met hubby in the morning as usual.
Then to school ~
School ended at 12pm today and bus-ed down to PS.
Caught "Night at the Museum 2" at 2pm.
Had small tiffs with hubby but was alright after awhile.
After the movie we went to ahve Red Ruby with Sago at the food junction,
seriously it sucks ~
Then was HOME SWEET HOME .
No school tmr , How nice ya ~
Finish cutting my 10x10 square of fabric.
All set for Monday's class I guess .
Had been sleeping early lately real early.
And I'm off to bed now though there's no class tmr.

GOOD NIGHT READERS

2009-05-19T23:38:00.000+08:00

Suddenly,
I feel so empty deep within.
Somehow the emptiness hurts and pains .
It is not caused of the love because my life is filled with happiness by having him.
It is not caused of the family because they are so good to me.
The emptiness , caused by the hole in my heart.
I tried to fill it up so that it won't hurt that much and not take my breathe away.
It used to be fill up with love, family and friendship.
But now it is short of one , so tell me, how can it not hurt.
Short of one part of it is just like an open wound.
It hurts, it pains, it makes me suffer almost everyday ~
Friends ? why care when people don't even fucking care?
I'm just being a fool, a real foolish one.

End of 1st block and start of the 2nd this week.
AMP which is a theory based lesson .
It's just not my type of module, because it will put me to sleep.
But somehow it seems interesting too.
Afraid that I'm not able to cope with the stress again.
I always can't .
Went straight out of school after class because I don't really have anything to do in school.
PP ytd with hubby and had Yong Tau Foo and Chinese Cooked Food there.
YUM YUM ~ and FINALLY KOI ~
Then was home sweet home.

Today hubby and I went all the way to Outram just for an ice cream.
Seventh Heaven located at Raeburn Park.
The Chicken Noodles Soup was delicious .
I love black forest ice cream, it was nice apart from the rum taste.
And the sandwiches was fine (:
Went home after that.
Slept my afternoon through ~
Can't enjoy my beauty sleep when assignments start pouring in ~
):

Had been quarrelling with hubby lately and more frequently.
Hubby , I really hate it when we quarrel.
I won't leave you again.
I won't let history repeats itself.
Put some trust in me can ?
You always say you trust me, but your actions contradict your words.
Prove to me that I can trust you too ~
I love you hubby.
Rmb our promise 77 years.
Mwahs ~

2009-05-15T01:03:00.000+08:00

I'm SICK ~!!!!!!!
I don't like being sick. Sighs ~
I miss AdvCad presentation and there goes my marks.
I've got damn poor for it and now the marks are gone.
Fortunately the deadline changed to 1pm on Monday.
But I'm stuck with marketing. OMG ~
I hate it. I never like marketing .
I'm tired , I want my beauty sleep but I can't. Oh god ~

Hubby ~
12May 09 was our 16 months anniversary.
I love you and I'll always do .
Even if you will to go NS , I'll still love you and wait for you.
So please, don't think too much ok.
I'll always be yours no matter what happen.
We had a wonderful day didn't we.
Mwahs.
I love you my dear boy.

Don't really have the mood to blog.
Pictures will do.

2009-05-09T01:06:00.000+08:00

I realised I'm always tired, almost every single day.
Though I sleep late and wake up late,
I still feel tired. And is real real tired.
My eyes hurts when I tried to stay awake yet it feels like falling.
Everytime when I was rushing on my assignments,
I felt so much to want give in to my falling eyes.
But still I had to keep myself awake and continue on my work.
Sometimes it feel kinda torturing.

School isn't that great after all.
Excluding the part of having fun, rest is like shit.
Has my nails done with crystals.
I totally love it.

Went to dolish nails to chit chat with the girls there.
Esp sheena the boss .
Haas ~
Bought food there too (:
Stayed till they closed the shop and went off.
Another tired day for me but I still want to accompany my dear boy.
Just like how he waited for me to end class no matter how bored he is.

Marketing sucks big time. It seems so extra and I dunlike it.
Simply feel like giving up.
OMG ~!!!!!!!

I'm tired and off to bed.
Ciao ~

Thought is only a flash between two long nights, but this flash is everything.

2009-05-06T02:35:00.001+08:00

Steamboat on Friday~

Queen's Ave, where I work (:

Photos say everything.......

2009-05-05T22:57:00.002+08:00

Finally ~ I got some time to blog while doing my Marketing.
I got my LG renoir ~
I wanted it so badly and dad agrees to buy for with with mum's help.
Wait for another year to get an Iphone.
OMG ~ totally love my parents :DDDD

School on Monday as usual.
End class at 8plus and went home.
Heard that she was sick.
Was struggling from the moment I heard that till like 10plus ,
whether or not to msg her.
Still I message her and hope she get well soon.
Things just aren't the same though I wish it can be the same.
But it isn't .
Sighs ~

Tuesday school again.
Consultation with Charlene at 1pm .
Class at 3pm.
Cabbed down to Central at 6pm for my rebonding and hubby's haircut.
Hubby got a new hairstyle which I'm totally in love with.
Ate at TCC and Home Sweet Home.

I'm tired, I really am.
Tired of whatever I'm doing now.
All the assignments and projects.
It's like never ending.
Fortunately, I've Noel Chan by my sdie.
There for me everytime I'm tired,
there for me everytime when I've stuff to complain and criticize about.
Thanks hubby.
Yoyu're just like a pillar supporting me in everything.
I LOVE YOU BABY ~

2009-05-03T03:56:00.000+08:00

Caught "Wolverine" today.
or should say ytd ??
A damn nice show really , OMG ~
I've always like X-men.
Since don't know how many donkey years ago. HAAS ~
It's already 3plus in the morning already.
I should be in bed cover in my warm blanket and sleeping my night through in lala land.
But I'm here blogging and stress up over my Swot analysis report.
So fed up and frustrated over it . Oh Shit ~!!!!!!
I'm so so so tired, YAWNS ~~!

Tried this heels from PedderRed and I really love it alot.
Hubby wanted to buy for me and it cost $140plus after discount.
However, I did not get it in the end because I was afraid I might not have clothes to go with it.
So there goes my heels ):
There will always have new ones that suit I guess .

Found out that Incanto Shine was selling at $45 outside lucky plaza.
I'm getting it definitely ~!
Hees ~

Went kinokuniya to get hubby's sis her book.
End up I got myself a book too and it was a damn nice book.
"The Private Papers of Easter Jewel"
It's about a chinese princess who is as strong as a guy (mentally) ended up helping the Japanese.
Got so addicted to the book and totally giving up on my report ):
After taka was Mogu Mogu at FEP then Central Library.
Lastly, Tcc for dinner ~
Having lunch tmr with the whole family.
I don't really like the tense up feeling when I'm with them.
A mistake can led to many many thing yea .
Sighs ~

I'm done with my Draping for AdvCad but Harvey change the due dates.
So I'll be working late again today night because I've not started on my MoodBoard.
Sighs.
My dark circles are getting worst worst worst ~!!!!!!
I need my beauty sleep.
HELP ~~!

Missing hubby,
he is keeping me company now helping me with my report by sourcing info i need.
Thanks hubby,
I know you treat me the best.
I love you m dear boy ~

Oyasuminasai ~

2009-04-25T04:43:00.002+08:00

It's already 4plus, and I'm still not ready to sleep.
Although I'm really tired , I can't sleep.
So many things are going on in my mind all at the same time.
Flashes of every single moment in the past and everything.
I tried so hard to make things rights.
I didn't throw a single temper at a single person.
But things still turn out this way.
I really thought she will not treat me like how the others did.
However, she too , the same.
We walked passed each other , no more eye contact, no more smiles, no more hi or bye.
We were like complete strangers every single day from the start of school.
I dread to go class everyday, but I don't have a choice do I ?
I dread because I don't want to see her.
I don't want to see her because I don't want to be treated like a stranger by her.
I dread because every time both of us walk pass each other,
it's like a knife stabbing and it hurts.
She may not feel this way, or should I say definitely not.
But I felt it every single time, and I have to experience it again and again which,
I really can't stand it anymore,
no longer can I because a week of pain and hurt is enough to take my life away.
Remembering washing out every photo I've taken with her ever since .....
Persuading my mum to buy me a photo album so that I can keep track of all the photo.
Putting our photo right in front of my mirror,
to remind myself to always cherish her no matter what happen.
Remembering that she's the one I always thought of first when things happen.
The first one I would want to msg and even call to.
But everytime, I held back, I did not bother her.
Why ~?
Because I may had treated her as a fren that I can pour my woes to.
But does she? I'm just another friend she met in her life journey.
That's the reason I held back my urge from calling her.
I thought I didn't do anything that had hurt her,
but from every thing I heard and told of,
I've made her upset and disappointed in one way or another.
Which I myself don't even know.
It's my fault, I deserve it.
But I don't even know when went wrong, and I'm sentence to death by her.
Questions popping out everywhere in my mind.
There's so many questions marks without an answer and no one is giving me an ans.
All it does is making me more and more tired,
draining me off, making me not feel like going to school anymore.
Because by doing so, I don't have to face anyone.
I don't have to put up a smile on my face when I'm unhappy.
I don't have to smile at others when I know she wouuldn't bother to care or see.
I don't have to experience the hurt and pain and the sadness each time she walk pass me.
I don't have to if i'm out of the school.
Things just gone wrong when I did not realise it.
Everything just ....... gone ~!!!!!!!

Life ,
It's over for me ~

2009-04-24T23:57:00.000+08:00

Finally ~
I got my New Macbook which I always wanted.
And I got it with not much persuasion.
Haas ~
Dad is kind enough to pay and buy it for me without thinking much.
Told mum about the psp and she asked me to ask dad.
Come to think of it, dad spent alot on me already.
Further more I'll be changing my phone at the end of the year,
so I guess PSP can wait. It will never run away.

School today again.
And the time passed freaking slow.
Hubby went TM to buy the tickets for "the international"
Watch it and I realised it wasn't good.
I don't really like the ending , it's like never ending.
Saw this advertisement on "drag me to hell".
I swear I'm never gonna watch that movie.
No more horrors movie for me anymore or I wont be able to sleep alone at night.
Haas ~
I know I'm scardy cat ~
But I don't even dare to go to the toilet after I've watched horror movies.
So NOT ANYMORE ~!!!!!!!

Home sweet home after the movie ~
Adobe for Mac is give me a hell of problems .
ARGHHH ~!!!!!!!

2009-04-24T00:21:00.002+08:00

Didn't have the time to blog.
Busy with my assignment just right on the first week of school ~
feel so Shitty ~!!
Got this talk in the morning which was boring and Keyzin and I left at 10.30am.
Went to Tampanies 1 but it was freaking cold so I didn't stay inside for long.
Keyzin went off so hubby and I went walking around.
Went back to school thinking that there was gonna be lesson at 3pm but there wasn't.
Saw Jia jia and Envy so accompanied them around cos Evny wanted to change to FD.
Wasted all my time in that entire day.
Then attended the brief on Marketing for Designers which was taught by Charlene.
I love her man. She's such a nice person (:

Second day was fine
Third was okays.
Watched "Taken" on Wednesday.
It was a damn nice show.
OMG ~
Seriously, if my dad will be like the dad in the movie,
I'll love him even more . HAAS ~
I've always loved my dad.
And daddy finally agreed to let me get a Mac Book.
WHEYY ~

Today,
6pm class ended at 7pm which was like an hour only.
And there won't be class tmr, monday and tues.
OH MY GOD ~
I told you , Charlene is a nice person ^^
After lesson, went dinner with Jia Jia, Envy and Michelle.
Wanted to eat prata but Envy wanted KFC.
Turn out KFC was filled with people so we went to one of the coffee shop,
which I don't really know where it is but follow after them.
The Cream of mushroom was super though it was a little cold.69
We were like talking and laughing and laughing till my jaws hurts.
HAAS ~
Envy went off and Jia Jia , Michelle , Hubby and I took 23.
When I saw bus 69 came I was paranoid.
I was like "faster faster, bus come le. Faster take photo."
Thent the rest were like, we are not taking 69 is 23.
I felt so dumb ~ ):
Maybe because of me sleeping at 5am in the morning.
No focus at all even in class ~

I'll be collecting my Mac book tmr ~
Excited .
Haas ~

Off to continue on with my illustrator stuff.
Ciao ~

Evny & me

Me, Eny, Jia Jia

Jia jia & me

Jia Jia , Me & Michelle

Stupid face. :DDD

2009-04-18T23:55:00.000+08:00

Yet again, met hubby today.
We planned to meet at 11.30 at Aljunied Mrt but .......
I was half an hour late.
Train-ed down to FEP because I wanted to buy heels.
But that feet that I have is freaking big size so ,
there aren't any size for me for rounded front heels.
So I gave up and brought a $26.90 sandals because the heels were killing me.
After buying, we slack outside mogu mogu.
In the it was becoming freaking hot so we went into mogu mogu and bought fried chicken.
Yum YUM~
We stayed in there all the way to 4plus which is like about 1 to 2hours.
And we ordered 3 fried chicken, 1 salmon sashimi and 1 ice lemon tea.
Mum called and we bus-ed down to bugis.
Wanted to ask hubby to have dinner we mum and dad.
But hubby had to go meet his dad and mum.
Met mum and dad , hubby left.
Went to Iluma, Thai Express to have dinner.
Seriously, I love the Ice Chendol there and the rice, the minced chicken,
conclusion, EVERTYHING ~!!!!!!!

Dad went to Empire State to eat again with the don't know which association.
Dad was treated for everything he ate at Empire State because the boss was his friend.
The boss of Empire State is the boss of Four leaves (the sell bread and cakes shop).
Haas ~ Kinda think that it's weird ~
Mum and I went parco bugis.
Bought my shampoo and conditioner from Jeric Salon,
then to Pazzion to buy my flats *decided not to get heels*.
Lastly Magazines ~!!!!!!
After buying everything, it was HOME SWEET HOME ~
While walking home from the Mrt Station,
all the way , I was calling "mama, mama, mama ......."
Because mum was walking real fast and I can't catch up with her.

Have been playing Sudoku for the past few days and it's really addictive.
After Sunday then school starts ~
And I'm still in holiday mood .
OMG ~
Mum wants me to put in effort in every module I'm taking.
No matter I like or dislike and I told her I will.
She wants me to get at least 4 As in 7module.
Freaking hell ~
How am I suppose to achieve that ):
Help me anyone , PLEASE ~

j

Fried Chicken ~
I love it .

l
Random

Oyasuminasai ~

2009-04-17T23:15:00.000+08:00

Met hubby early in the morning at 9.30am.
We were deciding over whether to take cab or mrt to Clementi.
In the end we decided to take the train because both of us were broke.
Train-ed to Clementi then cab-ed to Clementi Ite.
Haas. I know it's stupid.
The weather is hot and I'm lazy to walk :DDDDD

Hubby and I had a small quarrel the moment we reached Clementi Ite.
We patch back less than 5mins. Haas ^^
Hesitating whether to go in to the Hall or not to till I saw a friend going in.
So we went in and sat down at a very extra row.
The whole row was filled with the students there only the two of us were outsiders.
We a plain EXTRAS ~
I've been crapping and not point out the main purpose I was there.
~ I was there to support my friends for the Next Green Designer Competition.
The runway was not that good but the designed apparels were FANTASTIC ~
Esp Shahnaz and luvenia's design.
But seriously only the corset and the pants designed by Stacy caught my eye.
Conclusion, eeryone was great ~!

When I saw Jia Jia she was sweating all over. Haas.
It was hot. The Hall was freaking HOT ~!!!!!!!

Stacy ~

Shahnaz definitely have good figures.
OMG ~ Envious .
She designed that and wore it.
She was the only one that wore her own design.
She is one beautiful lady ~

Lisa~

Both of us lived in the same block and studied in the same course.
However, we only bumped into each other at the traffic light near our hse once
.......
and no more.
Haas ~

After the fashion show, we cab-ed back to Mrt Station.
Train-ed down to Ps to catch "Sniper" at 2.20pm.
In total, we spent $40 today.
And I didn't expect so much because all we spend on was
$10-two trips of cab.
$13 - movie tickets.
$4 - Beehoon with 1chicken wing, 1otah, 1egg, 1 type of veg.
$17 - popcorn, 2 ice lemon tea, 2 cheesy hotdog, 1hotdaog with bread.
Can't believe just eating and drinking and watching movie can spend so much.
Have to save. Really have to.
But how when I ordered a bag online - $45 and a dress - $28.
Shit ~
And I need a new pair of contact lens.
Money , Oh my, Can you just drop from the sky and into my pocket ~?!

Mum gave me $50 to buy my heels tmr ~
Yays ~
And I got in Retail and Visual Merchandisng .
So ya, no more drafting of skirt blouse or pants.
Should ask ppl to teach me one day.
Haas ~
Will be having lessons from 3pm to 6pm then 6pm to 9pm.
First is Adv Cad which is all using com.
So I told mum that the adobe software the sch is using is totally different from mine.
And dad and mum is deciding to buy one Mac lappy for me.
Total happiness ~!!!!!!!

Was crying like a baby just now.
And my nose is still block now.
Seriously, I freaking sad over some stuff.
But I see through everything now.
Mum saw me crying, I know she felt hurt too when she see me cry.
She told me this :
"People won't treat you equally good even if you treated them well.
No matter how much you hate or dislike someone, or you just want to avoid,
you still have to smile and talk to them.
You have to put on a mask when you are out of the house.
Because this is a reality and cruel world,
if you keep asking why things are this way, why are people treating you this way,
you will go no where.
Yes, you can be yourself, but still smile and talk to whoever you dislike or dislike you.
This is just how life is."
Then I said to her, "Wearing a mask is tiring for me and I hate it."
Mum just said, "YOU HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO"
I know she care, I know dad cares, I know hubby care.
I know everyone in my family cares for me.
I'm sorry if I ever made you all cried for me or worried for me.
I'm sorry.
I will never let that happen anymore (:

Hubby gave Piglet to me on my Birthday ~

Ciao ~

2009-04-15T22:45:00.001+08:00

I rotted at home today.
Hubby came over to accompany me till 4plus and he left.
For the whole holidays, this is the second time I rotted at home.
I hate it seriously,
so I decided to go for a movie with baby tmr ~

I know I know,
I'm full of craps :DDDD

Ciao ~

2009-04-14T23:59:00.000+08:00

Met hubby today.
Went for K-Lunch at Cineleisure till 2pm then walked to Delfi Orchard.
Hubby got Jap Retest today , because he failed the first time.
Watched "The Matrix" while waiting for hubby.
After his retest, we decided to watch "Fast and Furious 4".
Not a bad show I guess. =.=

Home Sweet Home after that ~

Both of us were eating lollipop, pastime favourite.

And ya , I look weird in specs,
but I'm lazy to wear contact lens.

Hubby is so cute ~

Ciao ~
Oyasuminasai ~!

2009-04-12T16:31:00.003+08:00

Went Sentosa ytd ~
Finally, another trip to Sentosa .
Spent the whole day there and it was pouring cats and dogs.
So no choice but to wash up and off to Vivo.
Had dinner at food republic then chit chat and poker at the open air .
Slack till 9plus and left for home.
I'm so lazy to type yea,
so sorry (:

Cousin and me

Cousin and her boyf

Noel Chan

Dad's bringing me out to ECP now for Steamboat.
Wheey ~~

-Edited~

I know I look weird in this specs ):

I love that pillow bcos I always hug it to sleep when I'm in the car.
Was waiting for mummy at PP for like an hour.
Then she still complain that daddy and me shouldn't wait for her.
Next was she grumbling over how troublesome I am to want to eat at ECP.
I was so annoyed because I wasn't the one who says want to go there,
it was dad ~
So mum apologised to me.

I love my mum. She's always so good.
She said these to me,
"you have to save money cannot always spend."
Then I ask her whether she got any savings,
she replied " Yes, but all spent it on you for all the stuff you want."
When I heard this I didn't know what to reply her.
I know she had always been allowing me to buy this and that even though dad dun allow.
I know she wants me to be happy.
I've always know that.
Thanks mum, you're always the best.

Things don't always appear the same as the are on the surface,
never judge the book by it's cover.
You may use this words on me,
this means that you never know me well.

signing off ~ 11.52pm

2009-04-10T23:57:00.000+08:00

~

Cab-ed down to Cine around 12plus.
Bought tickets for "Knowing" at 2pm then to Thai Express for lunch.

Spicy Minced Chicken.
It's much more spicy than the one I ate at Iluma.

Chicken soup and Stuff Tau pok.
Seriously, the meat ball in the soup sucks.
But the soup is super nice.

After movie, it was raining cats and dogs.
Bought an umbrella for $6.90 and went to Wisma.
Then to Taka.
Bought a basic top and then to MS.
Went Dome for dinner.
The food there is super, it was the second time I'm eating there.
Tasty as ever, but the price is nice too ):

She likes to poke my belly button ^^

Munchy Combi

Herbs on Salmon Fillet
The best part is the Red Skin mashed potato below it.
OMG~ it's so DELICIOUS.

Noel Chan

Black Forest Ice Cream Cake from Swensen
Mum bought that for me (:
And I'm finally Eighteen ~!!!!!

Actually I tried blowing the candles but the fire didn't go off .
This was the second photo taken and dad was at the other side.
He just blow once and the fire was gone.
HAAS~ :DDDD

I got a Piglet but not the big one because it was the last one and it's spoil.
So I don't want it though I had always wanted one.
But it's okays.
Thanks to all those that had wished me.
Some surprised me with their wishes because I thought they forgotten.
And thanks to you for keeping your promise to be the last to wish me.
Lastly, thanks to those who had forget or don't give a damn about it.
HAAS~ I'm crazy.
Will be going Sentosa tmr.

Ciao,
off to bed (:

2009-04-09T22:58:00.000+08:00

1more hours and it will be 10 April.
I should be excited, I should be happy but I feel nothing.
All I know is dad and mum is bringing me out for dinner tmr at ECP.
~
I finish sewing the skirts today.
Finish one skirt in a day and took two weeks to sew the other. :DD
Went to school around 10plus and left at 5pm.
Cab-ed down to Central to have my haircut.
Just trim but it cost $45.50 , sometimes I really feel that it's too expensive.
But no choice, I preferred to have my hair cut there.
Hmm . after haircut was home sweet home.......
-

2009-04-09T02:40:00.000+08:00

Change my haircut appointment to later on at 6pm.
Hmm, just done with my drafting and cutting and I'm planning to finish everything later.
Hope I really can~
Went to Sentosa ytd and went to the underwater world.
I remembered the last time I went there was during the millennium.
Nothing much had changed it still look the same but I had a great day today.
Wanted to buy a sandals from topshop but decided not to.
Short of cash ):
Home sweet home after Underwater.
Will be going to Sentosa again on Saturday I guess.
Going with my cousin and her boyf.

Plan my day for later on,
Catching a morning movie "knowing" at 10.05am.
Then to school for sewing.
Lastly Haircut because the fringe is a sore to my eyes ):

One more day uh ,
to whatever birthday it is ~
But who cares .......

Photos ~

Sharks,
saw them fighting over a fish.
Poor fish was torn into pieces by alot of sharks

Leafy Seadragon

Jelly fish

Giant Pacific Octopus

Jelly fish

Can you spot the Cuttlefish?

Japan Giant Crab

I'm going to bed it's already 2.42pm ~
Oyasuminasai ~!!

2009-04-08T00:52:00.000+08:00

Sentosa trip is cancelled tomorrow and postpone to Sat ~
Sobs ):
Went sewing in the afternoon and then to fep for mani & pedicure.
Next stop was home sweet home ~
Haven't been doing much these few days or rather during the hols.
But I don't feel bored at all.
My secret (:

My birthday is coming,
I wanted so much so much on my birthday but I know I'll get none I guess.
Here's what it is ,
1. A ride on the Singapore Flyer
2. Ferregamo Incanto Shine
3. Big big piglet
4. Bags
5. Dresses
6. A new phone (touch phone)
etc .......

I know I know, whoever is reading this must think that I'm greedy or whatever shit.
It's because I'm contented with what I'm having
so I never bother to even ask my mum for all that.
Which I know I'm not getting it at all.
Sighs.

Whatever it is THIS IS ME ~!!!

2009-04-06T23:59:00.000+08:00

Hmmm .......
Went to bugis with my mum ytd.
Got a new specs for $200 from OptLabel in Iluma.
Then mum and I walked all the way to Raffles City to get my makeups.
Bobbi Brown ~! Yays, it's like finally mum is buying it for me after so long.
The facial products were about to reach the bottom of the bottles.
Haas ~ Total was about $500plus. Thanks mummy ^^
Next went to Topshop to get a high waisted denim pants.
Then I saw this sandals which I like alot, and I'm getting it definitely.
After the shopping, met dad at bugis again.
Had Sakae for dinner and I realised I had it last week too.
Never mind, I just love SUSHI~
HOME SWEET HOME .......

Went to the Singapore Zoological Garden today.
Reached there about 3plus and started exploring.
It's like so long ever since I last went there.
Not much difference I guess.
Still the same old animals.
What I hate most was the snakes,
the moment I see them it gives me goosebumps.
Had a wonderful day,
Hoping that it will be the same everyday.

Will be going school tomorrow to continue the sewing.
Guess I've got to finish it asap bcos mum's rushing for it.
Then Wednesday wil be SENTOSA ~
Thurs haircut and fri, MY BIRTHDAY~!
Ok, I know there's nothing to be happy about it.
No one will remember .
Let's just forget about it (:

Photo time ~
*not much actually*
will take more on Wed ~

Saw this when I was walking in.
It's really cute.
.
Baboons ~
I love it

Was standing there waiting for it to come out~

The sea Lion

Me ~

Elephant = Zo san (Jap)

This baboon, he is peeing ~ x)

The leaopard cat and she's shitting plus peeing ~

Ciao ~

2009-04-04T23:52:00.002+08:00

Caught "Unborn" today and I regretted.
I know I will have to leave my lights on tonight in order to sleep.
No more horror movies for me anymore.
Before the movie had lunch at Thai Express.
It was delicious especially the Ice Chendol, it's my favourite.
After the movie, walked to Art Friend to get Majong Paper for drafting then to MS.
Wanted to buy this high waisted denim shorts from topshop but didn't in the end.
Know I've been spending alot recently but still, I bought a top from Zara.
After walking around for awhile, was Home Sweet Home.

I don't know what I'm feeling now.
It's simply not right.
Few more days to my birthday.
Who the fuck will remember that ?
Friends ? I don't pin hopes on that.
Hmmm .......
Things just aren't the same anymore..

2009-04-03T02:08:00.000+08:00

School for sewing.
Movie "Shinjuku Incident" at Iluma.
Bought bikini too ~
Off to citylink then esplanade then merlion walk.
Had been spending over $400plus for a few days.
OMG~
I have to stop. I HAVE TO ~!!!

The more I see the more I feel uneasy about it.
Shall let nature take it's course.
All I want is to finish another two years of poly peaceful.
That's all. Simple and easy.

2009-04-01T22:58:00.000+08:00

Went to school to the my sewing again.
Then to Arab Street.
Then to Bugis Street.
Bought a pair of earrings for $28,
a bracelet for $26.
Had TCC for lunch which in total cost $80plus.
I was like OMG ~ it's really expensive.
Then home sweet home.

As day passes by, I felt worse.
Why is that so.
I kept thinking alot.
I wish I can just forget about everything and start all over again.
But it's IMPOSSIBLE.
If this is possible, no one in this world will ever suffer,
everyone will be living happily without memories.
However, it can also be torturous without a memory.
Sighs.
Why do simple things always get so complicated?
Why aren't things going smoothly for me?
I just ....... just don't know what to do.
A week more to my birthday, but so what ?
Who the fuck will even remember that besides my parents?
I hate this part of life, or should I say every part of it ):

2009-04-01T01:22:00.001+08:00

Happ April's Fool Day
It's 1st April 2009
~
Went to school to sew ytd.
Have to sew everything again later on.
Know why ? Because the skirt is too short for mum ):
Caught "Mall Cop" at Suntec den home sweet home.
Finish drafting and cutting of the fabric.
All I have to do is sew the pocket again later on.
But I've not enough cloth. Sobs ):
Have to buy another one metre.
I'm so lazy .......

Meeting my primary school friend later.
She say got lobang, don't know what thing.
Haas~
Just go anyway I've got nothing to do also.
I love the holidays but hate it too.

Birthday is coming in a week.
But so what ?
I don't feel any excitement or joy.
Was thinking of going to the Singapore Flyer on my birthday.
But alone ? No thanks .
Birthday aren't big deals, it's just the same as other day.
When the clocks struck 12am, it's a brand new day,
but still is another day. HAas ~
Birthday? It's just a day to tell you that you grow a year older that's all.
Nothing much of a hassle ~
It used to be important to me thinking how many gifts will I receive.
Would anyone buy me something that I like.
Wil dad and mum bring me out to a high class restaurant for dinner and celebration.
Will I get everything I want.
Will my birthday wish come true.
It used to be what I always think of befor e my birthday.
But now, I wish it will never come.
I wish I'll never have a birthday.
Because of all the disappointments that will happen,
I rather not have this birthday.
Guess I'll stay home the whole day sleeping. Off my phone and SLEEP ~!!!!!!!

2009-03-31T00:18:00.000+08:00

Slept late last night was talking on the phone.
Woke up at 9plus because I had to reach school by 11 which I thought so.
When I was in school, teacher wasn't there.
So I went up to her office with gabriella & isabelle to look for her.
Presented my skirt to her and she say I will get an A for circular skirt.
And for the overall I'll get an A too. I hope I really can (:
Took 15 with isabelle , she dropped off first and I dropped off at PP.
Went to get Koi again, this time I got the Large size one :DD
Greedy I know. Haas ~~!
After Koi, bus-ed down to bugis.
Caught "Gran Torino" at Iluma.
The movie ticket cost only $6 till 10 april.
I decided that I'll watch mall cop on tues there too. x)
Walked to esplanade after the movie then to funan then to Central.
Next was Home sweet home ~~
Guess I'll be going school tomorrow to start on sewing for mum.
She wants me to sew her a circular skirt because she like the one I sewn.
But sadly, she can't wear that :DD
So I have to do a new one for her .
Hoping to watch a movie too (:

I saw this clutch from Aldo,
I fell in love with it immediately.
It cost $75 and I'm definitely getting it if it will still available .......

~

I wish I can turn back the time.
I wish I can undo my mistakes,
I wish I'm never born to this world.
So that I will never be anyone's burden ~

2009-03-30T02:14:00.000+08:00

~
Stayed home the whole day.
Was suppose to go get a new specs from Iluma ,
but due to the rain and my incomplete work I told mum we'll go the next time.
Hmmm......
Then dad and mum went out for dinner.
I was really hungry and went to dig for food.
Guess what I found ~?
My favourite chocolate which mum hid it from me.
I took it out and started eating and when mum's back she was so shocked.
Because I ate more than half of it :DDDD
They came back with salmon and rice for me.
Thanks (:
I ate and continued with the journal which I realised I took my time to do it.
Watching tv, playing games on msn and doing my work.
Haas ~
Till now then I'm finally done with it but printing every page out.
Just afraid that my printer will run out of ink ):
Will be going to school tmr to had in my journal and that's the end of year 1.

Time passed real fast.
A blink and a year passed.
Flashbacks of the happenings within this 1 year flashes through my mind again and again.
Yes, many things did happen.
Happy or sad, tears or laughter, everything.
Maybe I've never put myself in anyone's shoes to think & feel how they felt.
But did anyone tried putting themselves in mine?
Half a year from start of my new term in a new school,
I was caught up by probation.
Then I got my freedom, doing whatever I want.
But things start happening after I broke up with noel.
So many things that I never thought happened.
Every single thing broke my heart, brings me pain up till now it still do.
I cried, I shouted, I lock myself up, I tortured myself, I cut myself till blood were all over.
I cried wherever I go like an idiot, I was all alone with no one by my side.
Anyone that will know and feel how I felt ? No one.
Not even those who I thought were "friends".
....... ~.~"

Cramps are taking my life.
Sobs ~
Hate it when I've pms.
But there's nothing I can do, who ask me to be born a girl.
Hmmm ........
I'm tired already, done with my printing and now off to bed.

OYASUMINASAI ~!

2009-03-29T01:10:00.002+08:00

It's a mistake.
A mistake for me to always tell I thought it's a friend everything that happen in my life.
Seriously, I should had listen to what my aunt said.
Never to tell a ordinary friend whatever that happens to my life,
because it's personal.
But I never once listen to her,
because I always think that my so called friends knows me better.
I was wrong, seriously totally wrong.
Yes you want me to read that post, and I did.
People had been giving in to me. I know I always did.
You may had known me since sec1, how much you know about me?
I can tell you how great my parents treated me.
For just one reason, I wanted everyone to think that I have the best parents.
But things aren't this way. I don't get what I want easily.
I have to compromise to their condition.
I have to face them every single day with them having black faces.
They never gives in to me but exchange terms and condition.
I get everything by changing terms with them.
I cannot always get what I want like all of you can.
You all having caring loving parents which you all never quarrelled with.
I'm envy i'm jealous, I wish I have too.
But I don't I don't. I thought I can get a bit more love, care and concern from friends,
so I said everything to friends rather them my parents.
Yes, I'm going the wrong path, giving up on myself and cutting.
Why, because everyday I go home, no one talks to me.
All I do is go into the house greet them have my dinner bathe then back to my room.
I can't even watch the show I want at that time.
All I can is watch when dad's not around.
There's so much so much I want to let out, I can't possibly talk to the wall can I.
I have a very sucky character, I'm aware of that.
I know no one can stand me. I always know that.
I'm always aware that I'll lose my friends sooner or later with my sucky attitude.
I've been trying to treat everyone well.
But this , this is the results.
I know you for 6years, 6years since sec1.
I always thought you are the one who. know me the best.
The one that will never leave me alone even if the rest will.
The one that will tell me where things had gone wrong.
The one that will correct me when I'm going the wrong way.
But you didn't. You left me all alone.
When noel hurt me, I was crying so badly, you were there consoling me hugging me.
I told you everything, I always felt more comfortable in telling you everything.
At least it prevents me from doing foolish stuff.
I can't say that we are good friend. Just friends.
But I do feel better everytime I pour things out to you.
I'm wrong. Am I ?
This is me you know.
I hate this part of me.
I hate it when I'm like that.
So much so I wish I'm not born this way.
After I read what you wrote.
I know I should know what's wrong what's right.
What I should do and what I should not.
But it hurts so much when I know how you think about me.
I never thought that it will hurt so much .
I never know that it will hurt as much as how noel had hurt me.
Yes my life is a mess. Everything is fucking mess up.
It's not what I want. It's not the life I want.
So much so I want end it.
But every time I tried to do it, I fail.
If I did success I don't have to go through all these .
I don't care about whatever rumors that are spread.
I don't even want to know what they are.
The only thing that I've always been telling noel is why,
why are you treating me like the others did,
aren't you suppose to be the one that know me the best,
aren't you suppose to be the one that will tell me what had gone wrong.
Yes you did now after so long,
after so long you wrote that in your blog.
Yes you're right, I won't go up to you all to ask what happen.
Not that I'm afraid or being coward.
I just know things will get even worst if I do so.
Maybe I'll get another probation .
Maybe I'll get so mad that I want to stop schooling.
Maybe I'll not be able to take it to see I'm left alone by YOU~
Just like you say let things be the way it is.
Status quo : classmates.......

Maybe there won't be classmates too.
Maybe I should just leave the school.
Maybe I should.
I don't know will you read this or will you not.
Just want you to know that, I always know I'm not a good person.
I'm always aware of people giving in to me.
But I'm not a spoil brat.
You can't say that because you don't know what's happening at home.
You can't say any thing that concern my parents because things arent like what I always say to all of you.
You never know what happens at home and me.

Just like what I told you before if you remembered,
Time is catching up with me,
Getting myself a little more time to be happier with friends ard,
which I don't have now.
Getting myself a little more time not to be crying like an idiot now blogging.
I'm sorry if whatever I did and done and is doing is a sore to you.
I'm sorry if whatever I did and done and is doing makes me want to distance from me.
I'm sorry.

I live my life this way.
I change again and again.
No matter how much I tried no one seems to be satisfy with me.
My parents had always find faults in me.
I thought my friends won't now I know.
I know. Thanks for letting me know.
Thanks.
Thanks for letting me know that no matter how I tried I can never content anyone.
Perhaps I just don't belong here.
I just don't ~

2009-03-29T00:37:00.002+08:00

Went to Arab Street to get my fabric bcos mum wants me to make a skirt for her.
Had popcorn chicken and plum sweet potatoes.
YUM YUM~!!
Home-d at 3plus .

Why aren't things going smoothly for me?
I thought about it again and again,
Why why and why.
All I want is to complete 3 years of poly peaceful.
Friends, yes there is but never had I thought that things will turn out this way.
I asked myself again and again ~ Why ?
For all I know I've never did a single thing that I should feel sorry towards them.
Everything they say of what I've done, it's nothing wrong towards them.
Instead it's wrong towards my parents.
But why, why are they doing this?
Thoughts run wild in my mind whenever I start thinking of all these.
Tears starts to drop and my heart starts to hurts.
Why do I trust a friend so much yet she treats me this way.
Why do I treat her as a good friend yet she's hating me now.
Why do I tell her everything yet she say she don't want a friend like me.
There's so much why but no answer at all.
I tell myself it must be me, must be something I did that makes her hate me.
It must be me. But I think it over again for umpteen times but,
I can't think of something I did to step onto her tail.
There's nothing much I could do.
Life still have to go on with or without her as a friend
Life still have to go on even if she continues to open that mouth of hers
Life still have to go on no matter how much she hates me
Life still have to go on even if I feel so much so like killing her.

p.s whoever i'm saying, it's not someone i known for a long time.

2009-03-28T01:26:00.003+08:00

Fucking cramps are killing my life ):
~

Caught "Confession of a Shopaholic" yesterday.
The movie ticket cost $8.50 per person ):
Actually I should get student price but 5pm was over.
Sobs. There goes my 17bucks.
But it's worth it because the show was nice,
however some part was boring.
The part that I'm real interested in was her shopping .
I feel the same to when I shop.
HAAS ~
Hmmm.......
Reach school at 1.30pm today, started sewing my hook and bar.
It took me an hour and it was really irritating.
Saw teacher walking into the class and I followed her in.
Submit my circular skirt and I was the first to do so.
Then I was free to go.
Went to fifth floor to chat with yunxi and keyzin for awhile.
They left for their submission and I went down to PP to get Koi,
after that bused to town.
Had sakae for dinner which I was treated.
THANKS (:
Then mum called at 10plus to ask me home,
so HOME SWEET HOME next :DDD

The next movies I wanna watch will be "Gran Torino, Mall Cop, 17 Again, Shinjuku Incident, Friday the 13th, X-men Origins, Angels and Demons, Night at the museum2 and Terminator Salvation"
I'll definitely watch it even if I don't have the cash.
~

2009-03-25T22:53:00.001+08:00

Went school at 9plus to do my drafting and stuff.
Finish sewing within an hour but the overlocking SUCKS~
Lunch opposite school then back to school for lesson at 3pm.
Done with the side seams, invisible zip and part of waistband today.
Great achievement. HAAS ~
Went home straight after class today, because I was hungry & tired.
~
Guess I'm gonna wake up early tmr.
Perhaps to complete my waistband or going for a walk.
Maybe ease my cravings for KOI~
Hmmm .......
I was thinking of making another two more skirt during the hols.
Then mum wants me to make one for her.
HAAS ~ my cute mother.
Dad had been hinting me these few days about being honest & not lying.
Don't really know what he had saw or heard la.

2009-03-24T23:28:00.001+08:00

I freaking piss off now.
I measured and did my draft wrongly.
OMG~
And I've got to go school early tmr to complete my draft.
The worst part is I've got not enough fabric.
SHIT ~!!!!!!!
Decided to cut one side of it first sew the seam pocket then off to arab street.
But though I planned it this way, things dun always turn out the way I want.
I was so piss off after I finish bathing that I think I was rude to mum.
Sorry ):
I didn't do much in school today because I did not have the colour of the thread.
After school, went opp sch with meva and maisurah to buy thread.
Was still not satisfy with the thread so I went to spotlight at PS.
Still I don't find the colour I want. Then to Daiso.
And finally, I found it. HAAS~
Next was home sweet home.

Life just aren't getting good for me.
I'm fucking short of cash .
When I'm broke, I see all sorts of nice clothes that caught my eyes.
When I've got cash, NONE ~
What kind of fucking logic is this ~!?
ARGH~

I love the black one ):

Was in love with this the moment I saw it .
Sighs.
Still the same thing, NO CASH NO TALK~

2009-03-24T01:25:00.000+08:00

Got Koi at PP today and had lunch there.
Then bus-ed down to school, which was quite early.
Went to class and everyone say lesson start at five,
I was like WTF~! ):
Teacher came in at 5.20 and left an hour later I guess.
hmmm . nothing much achieve today .
Left class at 6.40pm and had cheese fries at KFC.
YUMMY ~
Then home sweet home ~!!

Things just aren't the same.
The problems lies in me.
I can't let go and forget the past.
I can't .
The lies you said to me, the empty promises.
I'm sorry, it's my fault ~

2009-03-22T21:13:00.001+08:00

I've always believe that things will never turn out like how i've wish.
Sighs ~
Things just don't ):
I need cash seriously.
I've got to find a job during the hols.
Anyone ? Anyone to offer me one or intro one?
I doubt ):
Saw this leather shorts & denim jacket online, want it badly but .......
No cash No talk ~
Hate it, why do everything have to link to cash ~?
WHY ~?!

Life just aren't going good for me.
Dad controlling all my expenses ):
sighs

2009-03-20T23:11:00.000+08:00

I'm done with my sewing of pleated skirt, it's done.
When I wore it, it was even shorter ):
I'll do another one , longer this time round (:
You disgust me totally my dear girl -
~

Goodbyes are meant for lonely people standing in the rain
And no matter where I go it's always pouring all the same.
These streets are filled with memories
Both perfect and in pain
And all I wanna do is love you
But I'm the only one to blame.

Because today, you walked out of my life
Because today, your words felt like a knife
I'm not living this life.

But what do I know, if you're leaving
All you did was stop the bleeding.
But these scars will stay forever,
These scars will stay forever
And these words have no meaning
If we cannot find the feeling
That we held on to together
Try your hardest to remember

2009-03-20T01:33:00.001+08:00

Yet again, you lied .
If this is what you want,
then continue on with your filthy lies .

I don't know where to begin
Fighting a war I cant win
Fighting a memory
Something that used to be

No matter how hard I fight
All of my strength and my might
Keeps defeating me
It just keeps defeating me

So what I'm trying to say
I know what's happening
Your body's here with me
But your heart and your mind is still with her

The way that he used to treat you
And since you just cant
Keep him out of your mind
It's obvious to me that I'm
Not where you want to be
baby you don't want me

And if that's really what you want
I will not stand in your way
You wanna be free
I will let you be
I'd rather you happy
Then miserable with me
Back to what you know

Said ain't no way to make this last,
You're stuck in the past,
Pedal to the gas,
And drive away...

2009-03-20T00:34:00.000+08:00

I'm done with the slip hemming for my pleated skirt.
I was fucking piss off with the invisible zip when I'm sewing it.
Actually I sew it nicely the previous day then Veron asked me to unpick ):
WTF ~!?
Jennifer helped me with it today.
Then sewn the lining and shell today which turned out quite fine.
Didn't achieve much today. ):
left at 6plus, dinner at KFC then home sweet home.
I tried the skirt at home and it was damn damn short after the hem was done.
I wonder how I'm going to wear it to show Veron =.="

~

I'm really going crazy.
I want to go shopping.
I want buy more and more clothes esp dresses.
but so, I simply short of cash.
My mum doesn't want to give me some fucking cash ):
ARGHH~
I need them for shopping.
OMG ~
Every night before I sleep I asked myself,
why must there be a stupid recession.
If there isn't any, my parents won't guard there cash like gold.
Sighs ~
I want so much so much. dresses and perfume.
I want ferregamo incanto shine. I want it.
Sighs no cash is a terrible thing.
It's kinda killing me. Oh my god ~!!!!!!!

2009-03-17T20:54:00.002+08:00

Woke up at 9am this morning.
Pin my yoke and pleats together for my pleated skirt and left home.
Went to PP to get KOI again ~
First I bought the $2.40 one but it dropped on the floor,
so I got to buy another one which I bought cheaper $1.90 ):
Bus-ed down to school and started on my sewing.
It was so tiring. SIGHS ~
And the skirt was damn short, how am I suppose to wear it ?~
then was HOME SWEET HOME .
Took this quiz from face book on what my bday says abt me.
The results was a whole para which most of it are untrue.
The first sentence was "Decisive and haste but tends to regret."
Which I really agree with that because I tend to regret after every decision I made
Last sentence was "Sexy in a way that only their lover can see."
I don't really know how to explain that.
HAAS ~

I know what we had is dead and gone.
And I don't mean to interrupt your life.
I just wonder do I ever cross your mind?

I just wonder,
Do you ever,
Think of me,
Anymore, do you?

2009-03-16T23:13:00.000+08:00

I fucking need my privacy and freedom ~!!!!!!!
I dread to go home everyday.
Each and everyday, when they start nagging,
it just make me hate going home ):
I wish I can just stay out and never go home.
Sighs ~

I hope life gets better each day
I hope I'll feel happier each day
I hope .......

But life aren't getting better
But I don't feel happier
But .......

So much "I hope"and "but" in life.
It will never end, never.

2009-03-15T22:51:00.000+08:00

The purpose of separation is reunion
Only love that has been put to the test will last
It's the beginning of true love ~

Yet again,
you and all your fucking lies.
I'm tired of it.
Fucking tired of it.

2009-03-14T23:34:00.000+08:00

FINALLY ~
I passed my Jap test .
Got full marks for my oral and 71 for written.
OMG ~
I'M HAPPY

..
.

but upset too ~
STOP WITH ALL THE LIES ,
Please get whatever piece of shit you promises out of my mind ~!
Yes it you .......

2009-03-12T23:50:00.001+08:00

LIES LIES LIES ~
why must people lie ?

I'm sick and tired of every piece of shit in my life,
tired of hearing all those lies and empty promises.
Sick and tired to have to face ppl with masks every day.

So.......
Please give me a break ~!!!!!!!

I'm down with sore throat and fever,
hope that the pain will kill me.
I can't eat I can't drink ,
because the sore throat is fucking killing me ):

And so.......
Please give me a break ~!!!!!!!

I need a shoulder to lean on ,
I need you, Yes you.
But you lied, you lied again ~

2009-03-12T00:32:00.000+08:00

I'M SICK ~!
I don't feel well. My sore throat is killing me ):
It was pain the whole day since I woke up.
I can't eat much because the moment I tried to swallow, IT HURTS ~
I got excellent for my sewing and presentation for basic skirt.
YAYS ~
It was my first time sewing which makes me real happy :DDDD
Accompanied a friend to get a hair cut then the stylist was like
"xiangyu your fringe also must cut abit already, it's long".
I just get it cut 2 weeks ago, remembering me walking under the rain.
hmm . I got my fringe cut for free which supposingly cost $10.60 at Jeric Salon.
After the cut went to Haji Lane to get my belt.
Finally I got it. Wanted to buy a skirt but decided not to.
Cabbed to school and start with my sewing to get it done.
Have been wasting quite alot by taking cab here and there.
hmm . must save on that . I MUST ~!
When I'm back home I feel even worst.
Every part of me don't feel well.
My gastritis started, sore throat, headache and kept coughing.
SIGHS ~
I DON'T FEEL WELL.

So what if I'm dead, none will care.
You, yes you.
Everytime I think of you, wondering what you're doing.
I look at my phone wondering when I'll get your msg.
But I receive none.
People do change heart easily ~

2009-03-10T23:35:00.000+08:00

I'm busy doing my journal but still I want to blog.
I thought it through, a friend like she and her not worth for me to get angry over.
I don't lose anything with or without them.
So I guess I should just forget about it already.
Went to get Koi in the morning then bus-ed to school.
Had lunch then went to class, most people were there already.
I went in and decided to sew my zipper again because it don't look good.
Sew and sew and sew den did the overlocking which was like shit ):
There's so much to do, the waistband , hemming , etc .......
In the end I decided to do it tmr because I still have the journal.
Went to Haji Lane to get my belt but the shop was closed by the time I reached there.
No choice had to get it another day then ):
Back to my home sweet home ~
I'm so tired but still I have to complete my work.
It's the last module of first year .

Tata ~ off to do my work .......

People do change , but I didn't expect it to be so sudden.
Never to leave me alone, to be there always.
But you aren't, you aren't at all ~
I was wondering why you lied,
but I can't find an answer .......

2009-03-09T23:38:00.000+08:00

I need some where to vent out everything.
My anger, my sadness EVERY SINGLE THING~
Why do things turned out this way?
I told mum about it because I got no where to vent.
Then she kept saying have you think about it,
maybe it's your own fault, maybe the problem lies on you.
I kept pondering over everything she said.
Is it really true? Is it really my fault? Is all the problems lies on me?
Why do these kinda things always happens to me?
I don't think I can take it any longer, I'm gonna explode any moment.
Every time I sees her, there's this urge telling me that I should confront her
asking her WHAT THE FUCK she wants from me.
But every time I tell myself this, I've got to hold back my anger,
control my temper, because I've got another two years more here in this school.
No matter how piss off, how much I felt like crying, I didn't.
I know she wouldn't care, none will.
What for act like a fool in front of them then ?
Seeing her makes my blood boils ~! ARGHHH~!!!!!!!
Enough if her, makes me puke ~

Went to had my classic mani and pedicure done.
Finally classic after so many weeks I've saying about it.
Did it with a someone and total was $80plus I guess.
Had KFC and cabbed home .
Did sewing in class today, of cos it's sewing , I'm having App1.
HAAS :DDD I know I'm stupid.
Was quite surprise of myself because I got my work done fast today.
I don't want to make the same mistake and keep dragging my work.
I realised I don't really suck at sewing like I always thought.
I'm average with it . HAAS~
Just had a tiff with my mum over my meals.
I don't know how I'm gonna talk to her.
It's like I know she cares about me because I'm not in good shape now.
Had been having headache frequently, then slight fever more often.
And my gastritis had always been a big problem.
The biggest problem is I don't take my medicine, I don't want to go for check up.
What for go for checkup when you know the results is always the same?
What for go for checkup when you know your body aren't doing good?
What for go for checkup when you will find out that your time left is limited?
What for go for checkup when you know nothing you do can extend the time?
What for go for checkup and have to stuff so many medicine into me?
What for go for a checkup and have to hear doctor saying there's bad news?
What for go for a checkup and had to tear & upset about what's gonna happen next?
So many what for(s) and questions marks appearing here and there.
I don't like medicine , I don't like eating them.
And no matter how much I eat things wouldn't change.
No matter how much medicine I have, my body wouldn't get better.
So, WHAT FOR ~?!
Aunt came over ytd and said this to me, "Don't get thinner already, pls eat more."
I want to eat more too, but can I.
The moment I ate a few mouth of everything, I feel kinda full already.
How can I even eat more than I can?
I asked her, "Why do people wear masks out and acts in front of ppl?"
Then she said this to me, "If they acts in front of you, den put your mask on and act too"
What a thing to teach me to do uh ~
But I can't. I don't like it this way. It's like you hate this person, yet still treat he/she good.
It's just so not me. If I don't like you, then all that's left is "Hi, Bye"
I won't go around putting my face on people's butt like some people.
I dislike you means I dislike you. No second thought. No asking for help even if I need.
I simply don't know how one can say i hate him but still ask for help.
ARGH~!
I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO THAT.
if this means I've got to lose some friends then so be it~

why do people lied ?
why do people change their hearts so easily ?
First you say you'll make me happy.
Second you say you'll never make me drop a tear.
Third you say I'm the one in your heart.
Fourth you say I'll never leave you alone.
But why, why things don't turn out like it is?
Why make me fall for you and go missing?
WHY? Tell me .......

2009-03-08T22:38:00.000+08:00

Give me a reason to smile

Give me a reason to move on
Give me a reason to love again

2009-03-08T01:55:00.000+08:00

I'm one SELFISH BITCH
Like it or loathe it you don't have a choice,
CAUSE THIS IS ME ~!

Woke up early early today because I got Jap class at 9am.
I was damn tired because I slept late the previous night.
And I'm good in class today because I paid attention,
know why cause this was the only lesson I didn't understand the previous time.
I don't want to fail this time round, if I do, I'll be wasting $400plus of my parents $$$.
I'm not gonna do that because I know dad & mum spent all their money on me.
Went to have lunch after class then bus-ed to bugis cause I need to go Arab Street.
Got to get fabrics from there which I bought the wrong one for $10.50 ):
But I manage to had my favourite Oreo Mocha Frappe today from TCC .
It made me really broke. But stupid me went to Haji Lane saw this tank top & bought 2.
It was not very ex , 1 for $15 and 2 for $20 so I decided to buy it.
Went around walking and window shopping because I got no cash.
i saw so many clothes that I like but I'm broke, so broke.
I was thinking that I can see a nice thin waist belt today but I got no cash ):
It was raining heavily when I wanted to go home, fortunately I bought umbrella out.
But my flats were filled with water, rain water. HAAS~
Reached home then I went to this webby, mdscollections.com
The dresses are so nice, I love it so much.
Makes me think of the clothes that I saw at Haji Lane which I wanted so badly.
OMG ~ I really need cash so that I can buy what I want.
I hate it when I go out, see things that I like but I can't buy ):
I want lots of clothes, lots of bags, lots of shoes, lots of belts.
But NO CASH NO TALK .......
I hate it but no choice, I'm one poor, broke girl ~

I fell asleep just now but I woke up again.
Out of the sudden, I was thinking "When can I ever get to sit the Singapore Flyer?"
Since the time I saw the Flyer under construction,
I told myself I want to sit it one day with the one I love and love me.
Sit with the one that will give me happiness and never make me cry.
The one that will never leave me alone no matter what happens.
When will that be? When will that one day come?
Who will be the one that will never make me cry instead make me happy ?
It seems so near yet so far ~
Perhaps I'll never get the chance to sit on it .......
~

2009-03-06T23:19:00.000+08:00

had KOI today again .
THANKS THANKS (:
hmm . reached school at 2 today by bus .
I didn't cab down to school . :DDD
had chicken burger for lunch then went to class .
tried sewing which was like ,
SHIT ~!!!!!!!
It's addictive but difficult for me .
I don't have that much of patience to do that ):
learnt how to sew darts and waistband .
hmm ....... acty I was really enjoying the fun .
HAAS ~ (:
stayed in school till 9pm and called dad to fetch me .
he waited for half an hour for me because I was not done with my sewing .
THANKS DAD ~
reached home , had maggie mee , den bathe .
when mum's back she check my bag .
I hate it I hate it .
then we quarreled and stuff . ARGHH ):
and my hp bill was like $190 la . no wonder they so piss off with me .
I tried to control already , my msgs were all free plus incoming .
it's all because of the stupid outgoing calls .
it's $160plus la . fucking much ):
stop all the use of outgoing calls .......
simply hate this life la .
just so , not right , don't fit in this stupid world .
FUCK ~!!!!!!!

p.s sorry for my language, I'm real piss off

2009-03-05T23:12:00.000+08:00

cabbed down to PP to buy KOI ~
I had carvings for it at that particular moment ,
so i wasted my cash on cab . SObs ):
after buying took 15 to school and guess who I saw ?
MRS LIM ~ my sec3 and sec4 form teacher .
such a coincidence ah (:
reached school waited for Joyce for lunch .
had chicken burger for lunch in order to save money .
went to class at 1pm and started on the drafting .
I got a B+ which I'm not satisfy with ):
then cut out the fabric and stuff .
Dinner then home-d .
wanted to stay and watch the fashion show but I was really tired .
No more online shopping for me .
Spending too much on that already .
but I want clothes , lots of lots of clothes .
no cash no talk ):
hate it when I'm broke and have to skip meals to save up.
anyone , sponsor ? JOKING :DDDD
class was definitely great without some ppl (:

am I lost ?
am I falling ?
who is there for me when I need someone ?
going crazy ~ breaking down~

2009-03-04T23:45:00.000+08:00

OMG ~
I'm fucking piss off .
it's been so long since i felt this way .
if you dislike me please for goodness sake PLEASE TELL ME ~!
you don't need me as a friend I don't need you as well .
sick and tired of all these la .
as usual , I went to school at 1plus which I thought I was late .
So , I took CAB ~!!!!!!!!
there goes my money . SOBS ):
learn how to used the industrial machine today .
and it was like OH MY GOD ~
I really don't know how to use it to sew .
I have not a single interest in that .
I don't think I'm able to do well in this module again ):
I'm failing , i'm failing . zomg ~

i feel so tired .
i don't like being alone .
i can't go on this way , i know i can't .
all i need is someone to guide me through
i need a shoulder to lean on that's all .
but there's always no one there for me to hold on to .

2009-03-03T22:38:00.000+08:00

please just fuck off if you dislike me ~
bcos I don't like to entertain hypocrites !

i don't feel well today .
was fine in the morning until it starts to rain .
then the sneezing came .
after that was the cough and everything ):
I don't like to be sick .
Bcos I'm always alone when I'm sick .
I fucking hate to be alone .
I really loathe the feeling of being alone .
ARGHHH ~
give me a break please .
oh god , i'm losing my grip .
it's like i'm falling and no one's there to catch me .
no one's there to hold on to me & guide me through .
I don't like to be alone . really .
SIGHS ~

school was not great at all .
it sucks .
i hate her .
i really do .
i didn't know i will hate someone like how i used to before .
but i am doing it now .
she's just like her .
totally so alike .
OMG~ get out of my sight .

I'm tired of everything you know .
while I was waiting , my whole heart was like so dead .
I don't know why I'm doing all these .
But I'm really tired .
I'm too tired to go on any further ~

2009-03-02T22:27:00.001+08:00

Things don't usually happen like how we want them to be ~

Woke up early today though there is no class .
left home at around 1plus bcos I'm locked in again .
wanted to take cab to school but I've got to save up ,
so i took bus instead .
reached school at ard 2plus went to sewing room den bla bla bla .
i dun have the mood to elaborate or say about it .
just got so piss off can .
why are people so hypocrites .
i really treat you as a friend . very good friend .
but please you're acting as if you don't need it .
then fuck it . i won't give a damn about it .
since you think you mingle well with everyone so be it .
you have one not enough , you want another then another .
it's good to have friends you know , but not like you .
have new ones that just kick the rest aside .
enough of these , I'M FUCKING PISSED ~
ARGHHH ~ sorry about my language .
left school at 3plus going 4 and bused down to suntec to catch a movie .
caught "My Bloody Valentine" with a friend .
it was damn gross and disgusting .
i was eating and saw the killings and stuff , i swear i felt like vomiting .
i'm not watching it again . not one chance .
EEK ~!!!!!!!
took 100 home after the movie and back to my home sweet home .
i always think home will be the worse place for me .
but i find it lovely with no one at home but just me and my maid .
it's so peaceful , quiet .
when my parents is home , it's noisy and filled with my mum's nagging .
which i really hate it la .
all these makes me don't feel like going home .
I rather stay outside with my friends or alone .
it feels much more better than home .
why is this so ? i don't really know .
My cousin asked me for my weight today and i said 40kg .
she was like so shocked when she heard that .
I'm trying to eat as much as i can already .
but cash is the problem . the big problem .
I'm not poor just that I've got to save to buy whatever i want .
i realised i really like to spend a lot a lot .
but when my mum brings me out , i tends to get heart pain for her .
for the amount of money she spends on me .
there's some things that she will buy for me but some no .
so I've got to save . save a lot i guess .
cannot go on spending every cent they had .
hmmm .
i just couldn't resist the temptation each time i go shopping .
so no more shopping for me unless i got the cash .
HAAS ~
i'm just crapping ~ LALALA ~!!!!!!!

things aren't the same anymore .
you aren't the one that's always there when i needed you.
you aren't there anymore .
you aren't the one i used to love .
because the one i love wouldn't lie to me .
you aren't mine anymore ,
you belong to her .
you aren't mine ~ not anymore ~!!!!!!!

2009-03-01T20:29:00.001+08:00

Sighs .
What's happening .
What am i thinking really .
I just need someone to love me like how i do .
Be by my side when i cry or upset .
Be by my side when i smile and happy .
Be by my side hugging me when i miss him .
Be there to tell me I love you and I'm never gonna make you cry .
It's not like I'll die without a boyfriend .
It's not that the world will stop moving when I'm without him .
That's all I wanted when I have one .
But none of that happens .
I cried like an idiot on the streets but there was no one there .
I was so fucking upset but there was no one there .
I remembered hearing he said that he'll not let me drop a tear .
But turned out , I still cry .
Have anyone ever wonder how it feels to be alone .
It's not like I have someone to talk to when I'm home .
All i see is four walls and a bed .
Who can i even talk to , soft toys ?
They won't even answer me .
I hate to be alone , I've alone ever since I'm a baby .
No one wants to take care of me .
Throwing me here and there , pushing me aside .
Know how it feels when you found out that you were so unwanted as a baby ?
Do you even know .
Have you ever tried being so sick with high fever yet you are all alone at home ?
No one to bring you to the doctor , can't call your parents bcos they are working .
It's till late at night then ppl start noticing you're sick , which things were even worse .
Have you ever tried crying so badly but you're all alone with no one there ?
Maybe some may have the same experience , but I can't take it .
I remember mum bringing me to a counselor when I was just a small kid .
I remember dad and mum quarreling over not able to find time for me .
I remember hearing everyone say that I was a burden to them .
I remember hearing people say I only cause troubles .
So I'm always alone because I don't want to hear all these .
17 years going 18 , I can never forget how it feels being alone .
I hate the feeling , it makes me think of the past .
Think of my past , the past that I wish that to disappear .
But it never did . It haunt me everytime I'm alone reminding me that ,
I'm born out to be left alone , to be pushed aside . To be an extra .
I tried myself from thinking , I tried so hard till he came .
He made me forget my unhappy things , he bring smiles and laughter in my world .
However , now he brought hurts and pains , tears & cuts back to my world .
Especially LONELINESS ~
The loneliness that I feared most .
The loneliness that I loathed most .
The loneliness that I thought had disappear .
But it's back now . Back to my life .
Please anyone , chase it away , take it away .
I want my smiles back . Chase the tears away .
I want to be happy , chase the unhappy stuff away .
Anyone . Will you ?

2009-02-28T21:45:00.000+08:00

love me the way i am (:

nothing much happen today .
went for japanese class but i didn't have the mood to listen ,
because i slept very late last night and woke up early .
YAWNS ):
after lesson went around walking .
saw a lot of things which i want to buy , but NO CASH .
that's the real problem ~
i love burberry wallet . so in love with them .
but see this it's burberry , it's damn expensive which i can never afford .
why must it be my favourite brand ???????
never mind . sighs ):
stomach wasn't feeling right the whole day which i don't really know why .
realised i shouldn't window shop because i don't have the cash ,
so i decided to just sit there and daze .
how boring can it can rights .
what a Saturday for me .
):
it's okay , next Saturday will be a better one i guess .......
reached home before 8pm which was really early .
and bought this top online and my mum's paying for it .
but i saw this vest , and it's like i freaking love it .
so what ? I HAVE NO CASH ~!!!!!!!
i tried to get this into my brainless head , but i still want it .
OMG ~ no more online shopping till i have the cash .
or should i say , NO MORE BUYING OF THINGS ~!
saying this to myself seems so weird , i have to save save save .
but how to ? how to stop myself from spending .
i love buying clothes , i love it . OMG ~
and now i have to stop doing something i love , it seems so wrong .
): sobs sobs sobs . never mind . i just have to face the fact that I've no CASH ~!

i felt like giving everything up .
chances destroyed every time .
surprises aren't there when i thought there'll be .
facing the fact that , no one will ever do that .
and i mean NO ONE .
hearing the thunder ,
what i fear most .
used to be someone there to accompany me through .
but now ,
i'm all alone ~
and back to square one .

2009-02-27T05:01:00.000+08:00

i thought i had my dinner .
but i'm having gastritis now .
the pain is too much for me .
i took two pills but it didn't help .
OMG ~
i can't wake dad & mum up it's only 5 in the morning .
the pain is terrible .
i don't feel well .
i kept coughing .
what's happening ~!?
i don't use to be this way , i don't like being this way .
makes me feel more miserable .
the pain is really killing me .......
there's no one to call to , no one to tell to .
only me myself and I .

2009-02-25T23:54:00.000+08:00

i can never smile like how i used to ~

LIES LIES LIES ~
you and your filthy lies again .
I've enough of all these . enough of you always walking away from me .
since the start of the relationship , when i look away you let go and walked away .
i knew you were just joking but i was so afraid of losing that i hold on to you so tightly .
every time we are out together i used both hands to cling onto you .
all because of what . because the fear of losing you .
every time we quarrel , you walked away I'm always the want chasing after you .
even when we're quarreling at your hse , you asked me to leave .
then when i say I'm leaving you never hold me back .
i have to thicken my skin climb up the bed and hold on to you .
and say "noel chan i really going le ah ." till then you will hug me .
why is it this way every time ?
then when i broke up with you , you never did once do what you say you will .
all you can is say but no actions .
and go around telling people how bad i treated you , how i played your feelings .
from the start of these relationship , all you used was your mouth and your eyes .
never once did you you used your heart to feel .
till we broke up , you still did not .
if you did , many things would never have happened .
I'm not trying to defend myself with whatever shit .
i admit in this relationship i did many wrongs to you.
i was the one who lied , who hurt you , who made you cry .
but i felt ten times the pain each time i did something wrong .
but you never knew. why ? because you never use your heart to feel .
you never knew how upset i was when i see you cry , when i know you are upset yet still smile at me .
i knew every shit you was feeling , every shit you were thinking .
but do you know how i was feeling and what was i thinking ?
you don't even know a shit about it .
whenever we have our meal , even though I'm still hungry i gave you my food .
in order to let you eat more and fully , i rather eat curry with rice .
i spent your money , but get this clear , we spent it TOGETHER ~!
the money i spent on you can be equal to the money you spent on me .
so please , stop saying i spent a lot of your money .
in a relationship , there's no need for money .
as long as there's love it can continue on .that's my logic .
it's just that I'm a girl that likes to spend it's a fact that i told you right from the beginning .
every time i buy some thing when I'm out with my parents ,
you will start saying i spend a lot and i always have new things but you don't .
i love to buy things , i like shopping , but end up i always dun have the cash .
but i never complain or anything , because all i want was you .
i don't expect any return from you but i don't expect this to happen .
your lies and your craps . i will never believe your words ever again .
see this . I'm never gonna believe you CHAN JIN KAI NOEL ever again .

you walked away once
you walked away twice
you walked away thrice
you walked away every time .
you say you'll call , you'll message .
but in the end , I GOT NONE ~

2009-02-24T04:36:00.000+08:00

is this just a dream or is this reality ?
i should have accept the fact from the beginning .
shouldn't had missed so much of the past ,
because people should only think of the future & not past .
I'm losing my grip , I'm falling .
Will there be someone to catch me when i fall ?
Will there be someone to see me through everything ?
reality is something cruel ~

2009-02-20T02:43:00.002+08:00

what happen to me ?
why ?
why can't i fall into sleep like how i used to ?
why do i sleep with fear ?
fear of having nightmares , dreams that i don't want .
fear of remembering every single details of N and me .
WHY ~!?
i woke up in tears , awaken by my mum .
i was crying so badly in my dreams she said .
she asked me what happen but all i said was "it's just the nightmares"
i laid down in bed , but i can't fall back to sleep anymore .
perhaps it's not i can't , is i don't want to because I'm afraid .
i wanted to call N so badly , i wanted him by my side so badly , i needed him .
but i know it myself , he doesn't belongs to me already ,
I've lost him , I've lost him totally to someone he known for not than two weeks .
a year of relationship , lost to someone he know not more than two weeks .
this shows everything , shows how unimportant i am to him .
i don't used to have nightmares , because every night when i went to bed ,
i know N will always be there for me , he will protect me from everything .
i felt so secure , i felt so safe . because i had him to myself , i know he loves me .
but now , i can't feel his love & care anymore , i can't feel his heart in me anymore .
know why , he went out already . I didn't let him out instead he came out on his own .
when i used to have bad dreams , he is the only one i called or text .
now not anymore , all leads to one reason , HE IS NOT MINE ANYMORE .
i guess im not gonna sleep already , what for sleep when i know i can't .
SIGHS ~

2009-02-19T23:07:00.000+08:00

i feel sucky today .
i already don't feel very well .
was like having fever around 5plus in the morning .
my temperature was 38.7 degree .
i drag myself out of my room den told my maid .
she was like coming in and out of my room to change the towel for me .
i felt so uncomfortable .
i wanted to msg N . but i told myself i shouldn't .
it's my own business none of his .
tears came falling down and i felt back to sleep .
fever subsided when i woke up ard 9plus .
but my throat don't feel well still i stuff myself with lots of chocolate .
can't blame me i just , just wanna feel a little more happy .
however it was of NO USE ~

from now on , no more hubby or bby in my posts already .
lies , what i hated most . i know im contradicting bcos i do lie too .
i shouldn't get so fuck up and piss when i know N lied .
bcos i'm NOBODY to him , so it's fine for him to lie isn't it .
only now then i know , YOU ARE SUCH A BIG LIAR , YOU CAN LIE SO WELL ~
why do i tear for such a guy , why do i love such a guy so much .
why do i make myself miserable for such a guy .
why do i suffer for such a guy that LIES .
bcos he used to me mine , he used to treat me so well .
bcos he used to tear for me , he used to give in to everything .
bcos he used to love me so much , he used to say im his ONLY ONE .
i admit i lied , i lied when i was with him . so much lies and everything .
but i told him every single thing .
i know how it feels now to know someone you love & trust lied to you .
it really brokes my heart .
i don't know how am i suppose to trust , to believe in his words now .
seriously , i know i can't . but i still choose to when he ask me to wait till 15 march .
i know i will wait no matter how reluctant i am .
i know i will wait no matter how hurt i was .
still , i know , his heart is not with me anymore .
that is why he will lied to me . that is why he choose her over me .
den why , why still want me to wait when you know you'll NOT LEAVE her .
why still want me to wait when you know you aren't gonna come back .
give me an answer please ~
the moment i said to N "you are such a liar" and hang up the phone ,
tears starts forming in my eyes . but all i can is to hold them back .
i dunwan people to see me crying . I DON'T WANT TO .
i thought i was early today at least i can find some time alone .
sadly , there were ppl in class already .
i sat down at the bench , my tears started rolling down .
then cass came , she did not say much all she said was dun cry .
i stopped , went to class , but i can't see myself laughing or smiling .
i can't find any reason or any purpose to smile .
consulted justin on my final den started washing the plastercine .
i used so much strength . i wanted to vent all my frustration on it .
bcos tears are forming again .
i told myself i can't , i can't let them fall . I held my tears back .
after everything . i settled down . i kept quiet all the way .
then jia came sitting down beside me .
both of us , doing nothing ~
at first , i started shaking jia's hand . den i talked to her . i told her .
again , tears starts to form and this time , i got no strength & energy to hold them back .
i let them fall , let them flow like there's no tomorrow .
i held on to jia , i held tightly and she too .
went to the toilet together , i started crying . i wanted to cry my heart out but i cant .
i squart down i cried jia hold on to me .
den went we stood up, i tot i got hold of myself already . but that's not it .
tears started coming down again . why do i keep crying . WHY ~?
i thought i felt better after crying , but i dun feel that .
i felt an instant heartache , i felt so pain within .
why do everything always come at the same time ?
i just stopped crying , i felt hurt and everything den my gastritis start .
i know i didn't eat for the whole morning , but why does it have to come at this time .
i took my gastritis pills i ate 4 of it because the pain was unbearable .
and i don't want anyone to see me in pain .
i didn't have any water so i forced it down my throat . the feeling was horrible .
but the pills made my stomach so uncomfortable .
which ever way , I'm still suffering i still feel miserable . OMG ~
accompanied jia and wen hui till 7pm bcos they doing their paper making .
den went home . on my way home , i thought about many things .
i saw many couples together , in the bus & mrt either sitting/standing .
then i thought of how N and i used to hug each other , how we used to kiss .
i thought through so much . i realised one thing . i was so in love with him .
that i was blinded by the anger i had and made a fucking wrong decision .
a month ago i made a wrong decision .
a month ago i walked the wrong path .
a month ago i thought i was able to forget him .
a month ago i thought i could walk out of his life .
but .......
a month later i realised everything was a mistake .
a month later i realised i was unable to forget him .
a month later i realised i could not walk out of his life .
even though i realised all my mistake ,
even though i regretted but i can't have him back .
he isn't coming back i guess .
he seems so happy with her .
he can even lied to me just bcos he wants to meet her ,
which shows how important she is to him .
i guess i lost my stand already . i lost him to her .
is it time for me to let go ? am i ready to let go and move on .
i always tell myself this "come on girl , he is not into you now already . just let go"
but no matter what i can't . i just can't ~
perhaps , all i need is just time . time is the best cure for everything .
as time passes , earth continues to rotates , people continue to change .
FINALLY , feelings changes too .
which i had seen it with my own eyes , experience it with my heart and soul .
the one i thought that will be mine no matter what happen has gone .
fell in love and left me all alone .
there's nothing i can do . i leave everything to time ~

You lied to me , what does that mean ?
guess this means you take back all you said before ,
like how much you wanted anyone but me .
maybe I was stupid for telling you goodbye ,
maybe I was wrong for trying to pick a fight .
I know that I've got issues but you're pretty messed up too .
either way I found out I'm nothing without you .
being with you is so dysfunctional
I really shouldn't miss you,
but I can't let you go, that's what hurt the most ~

2009-02-18T23:53:00.002+08:00

Love is like a cigarette .
Once it finish burning , you can't get it back
but have to throw it away .
It will always come to an end , So sweet yet so short .

I thought our love will be like a cigarette but a never ending one .
i was to naive to think that way .
i realised that you don't know how i feel .
all you care is HER ~
i'm giving up , i'm giving up .
but no matter how much i say im , i know i can't .
i cannot stop myself from messaging you .
i cannot help it but call you when i miss you .
i remember how you used that pair of warm palms to give my hands warmth .
i love those fingers you have .
i love them being long and slim .
i love that warm big hands of yours .
but i know they aren't gonna be mine anymore .
i told myself no matter how hard it gets i;ll wait ,
but it's really hurting me too much .
the jealousy i feel , the sourness , i hate it really .
till then i convince myself that you already stop loving me .
you aren't mine anymore ~

saw sam at bedok , so coincidence la .
talked alot and i realised i can smile .
finally i can .
when i was in school , talked to cass talked to jia .
they say alot , advice and everything .
thanks really .
hmmmm ..
move on or stay put ?
it's my decision isn't it .
if i choose move on it is to protect myself from getting even more hurt .
but if i choose to stay put i may or may not have him back but suffer alot .
I DUNO ~
but why does it hurt so much NOW ~
sighs .......

i feel like shutting myself behhind my doors .
i feel like locking myself up .
i feel like crying
im crying .
tears came flowing down with me alone in this room .
it wouldn't stop .
why ?
bcos i was so in love with you but you broke my heart .